


You Saved My Life Once

by Alchemized_Angel



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alana beck is the mom friend everyone deserves, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bc im a kind author, Blood, Connor is gay and in denial, Connor surprises his parents more than once, Evan saves connors life, F/F, Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jared is a dad friend, Jared n zoe are confirmed musical theatre nerds, M/M, Multi, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, Zoe is my precious flower daughter, gays
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-11-06 07:19:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11031336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alchemized_Angel/pseuds/Alchemized_Angel
Summary: They say if you save someone's life, they'll eventually fall in love with you. But do they fall in love with you, or the idea of you? And what if you don't turn out to be who they thought you were? Will they still love you? Did they ever?Evan never thought he'd ponder these questions. But when he started to think of them, he could help but wonder if they applied to him as well.AU in which Evan shows up at the Murphy's to get his therapy letter back and ends up saving Connor's life.





	1. Evan Wasn't Sure

**Author's Note:**

> Not to far from him, the printer whirred. ‘Me too printer. It sounds old and broken and kinda dead.’ Connor then realized that the kid who was across the room was now anxiously tapping on the printer. ‘Tap… tap… tap… damn that's annoying.’ Connor started tapping on the computer mouse in between the other kids tapping on the printer. ‘I threw a printer once. At a teacher. Damn I'm badass.’ The printer went silent and when Connor looked over he realized there was no one there. He got up and realized the guy had left his paper on the printer.

Evan wasn't sure what was happening. Not really. He saw Jared turn around. Then he saw Connor.

 

Connor always looked intimidating. He wore mostly dark grey and brown, and black jeans. ' _I guess dark colours are intimidating...'_ He also stood slouched over. Probably because he loomed over both Jared and Evan. But probably because it makes him look even more scary and off-putting.

 

‘ _This is not going to go well…’_ Evan thought.

 

“Loving the new hair length Connor,” Jared gestured at his shoulder, miming having shoulder-length hair. “Very school shooter chic.” Jared laughed to himself, all Evan could do was shake his head.

 

Connor didn't appreciate the joke as much as Jared did. He took an angered step toward Jared, his grip on the strap for his messenger bag tightened until his knuckles were almost white.

 

“Chill… It was just a joke. I'm joking.” Jared held his hands up defensively, taking a cautious step back.

 

“No, I know, I'm laughing.” Connor spoke calmly. ‘ _Jared, its never good when someone is so angry that they're calm…’_ Evan would have actually warned Jared, if he weren't cowering in fear a few feet behind him. “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” Connor raised his voice. Evan started to shake with panic, wanting to help Jared but also not wanting to have to deal with Connor.

 

Jared said, starting to walk down the hall. He stopped to look back at Connor. “You're such a freak…” Jared managed to walk away before Connor could get his hands on him. Connor was fuming.

 

_‘Don't cough, Evan. Don't cough. Just stay silent-’_

 

Evan couldn't hold back the tickle in his throat. He tried to cover the cough hoping Connor wouldn't hear it. It didn't work very well.

 

“Are you laughing at me?” ‘ _No. No, I'm not no. Just say you weren't.’_

 

“N-no. Sorry I was… it was a cough...”

 

“You think it's fucking funny?” ‘ _Oh no.’_ Connor started walking towards Evan, who was cowering away from him.

 

“You think I'm a freak?” Connor raised his voice, causing Evan to jump.

 

“No… no I don't.” Evan choked out the words.

 

“I'm not the freak. _You're_ the fucking freak!” Connor yelled, pushing Evan to the ground before continuing down the hallway. Without thinking Evan put his arms out behind him to catch himself. He happens to put more weight on his good arm than his broken one but he still winces. He drops all his weight, laying on the ground with tears starting to form. Evan laid his head back and closed his eyes.

 

“Oh my god, Are you okay?” Evan heard a voice ask. ‘ _Strange. That sounds like Zoe.’_ Evan opened his eyes, finding the source of the voice. ‘ _Zoe!?’_ She reached a hand down to Evan. He grabbed it and let her help him up. He let go of her hand and the awkwardly wiped the sweat off his palm onto his pants.

 

“I saw my brother push you. He's a total _psychopath_.” There was a certain bite to the way she said it. A venom.

 

“I'm Zoe.” She went to shake his hand. Evan went to do the same, but realized his hands were still sweaty and opted to wipe the sweat off again.

 

“I know.”

 

“You _know?”_

 

“I mean I know who you are, you're Zoe. You play guitar in the jazz band. I love jazz band. I love jazz. Well not like all jazz, but like some jazz. Like jazz band jazz. That's weird I'm sorry…”

 

“You're Evan, right?” She asked.

 

“Evan…” Evan muttered.

 

“That's you're name right?”

 

“Yes! I'm sorry…”

 

“Why are you sorry?”

 

“Because you said Evan and I repeated it and it's just annoying when people do that. Like really annoying. I'm sorry…”

 

“You apologize a lot…” she smiled. ‘ _What a cute smile. She's got a nice smile…’_

 

 _“_ I'm…” ‘ _Don't say sorry!’_ Evan fought, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

 

‘Anyways I should get to class…” She said, walking down the hallway. Evan remembered the sharpie in his pocket. ‘ _Jared and Alana didn't sign… maybe Zoe will?’_

 

He lunged his arm forward. “DoYouMaybeWantToSignMyCast?”

 

She turned around. “What?”

 

“What?”

 

“You said something?”

 

“No, you said something.”

 

“You definitely said something.”

 

“No way… josé…” ‘ _Good job Evan.’_

 

“Okay…? José…” She smiled and walked off again. Evan watched her walk down the hall until she turned a corner. Then he went on his way to the computer lab.

  


 

 

Connor walked into the computer lab and sat at a desk. ‘ _Do something, dumbass. Or else everyone here will know you're high off your ass.’_ Everyone else being one person who was sitting across the room. Connor logged into the computer and pulled up his English essay.

 

‘ _Words… Words… Typing… The keyboard sounds weird. Do all keyboards sound weird?’_ Connor gave into his curiosity and tapped on the keyboard to his right. He slowly typed his name. ‘ _C-O-N-N-O-R… Yup. Weird.’_  He went back to working on his essay. Working being a loose term for writing “English is fucked up” over and over again.

 

Not to far from him, the printer whirred. ‘ _Me too printer. It sounds old and broken and kinda dead._ ’ Connor then realized that the kid who was across the room was now anxiously tapping on the printer. ‘ _Tap… tap… tap… damn that's annoying.’_ Connor started tapping on the computer mouse in between the other kids tapping on the printer. ‘ _I threw a printer once. At a teacher. Damn I'm badass.’_ The printer went silent and when Connor looked over he realized there was no one there. He got up and realized the guy had left his paper on the printer.

 

‘ _Dear Emma? No, wait, that says Evan okay. Dear Evan Hansen? Ohhhh. That dork from the hallway right?’_ Connor decided he should take the letter to Evan. ‘ _I mean it's probably important.’_

 

Evan stood in the hallway. Having just finished a post panic attack phone call with his mom, he was a little shaken up. He can't even remember what caused his panic attack. ‘ _Something in the computer lab… something… Connor?’_

 

“Evan?” Connor started. _‘Shit you didn't think this through Connor.’_ Mentally, connor frantically searched for something to say. Then he noticed the cast on Evan's arm. “What happened to your arm?”

 

Evan looked at his arm. ‘ _You fell.’_ “I fell…”

 

“You fell…?”

 

“Yeah I fell out of a tree.”

 

“You fell out of a tree? That's the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard.” Connor laughed to himself for a second. Evan didn't know he could laugh, let alone smile. ‘ _Does Connor Murphy have… dimples?’_ “No one's signed it?”

 

“Yeah…" ‘ _Evan you don't just tell people you don't have friends. Now he's gonna think you're some weird loner.’_

 

"Well I'll sign it?” ‘ _Smooth Connor. Smooth.’_

 

“You don't have to…”

 

“Do you have a sharpie?” Connor made an effort to look like he genuinely wanted to sign Evan's cast. Though he'd never admit it, he really did want to sign it. As an attempt of friendship. Evan dug his hand into his front pocket, pulling out the sharpie and handing it to Connor. Connor gripped the cap between his teeth and pulled the pen out. He then grabbed Evan's plastered arm, pulling it toward himself.

 

Evan winced as pain ran through his arm. “Ow…”

 

‘ _Fuck. His arm is broken you dumbass. Why do you hurt everyone?’_ “Oh..." Connor muttered, looking at Evan with an apologetic look. He then scrawled his name in large capital letters across the entire length of the cast.

 

Evan looked at it. “Gee, thanks…”

 

“Now we can both pretend we have friends.” Connor smiled handing back the pen. His mind then wandered back to the letter in his bag. “Oh yeah,” he pulled the letter out of his bag, smoothing it out against his chest. “I think you left his in the computer lab? ‘Dear Evan Hansen’? That's you right? This is your letter?”

 

“Yeah I must have left it on the printer when I left because…” ‘ _Don't mention the panic attack. He'll think you're strange.’_ “My… my mom called me and I-”

 

“All my hope is pinned on Zoe?” Connor looked up at Evan than back down at the letter, a confused look on his face. “Zoe, who I don't know and who doesn't know me? What the fuck? Is this…? Is this about my sister?”

 

“What no that'd be… that'd be creepy…”

 

“You wrote this... You left it on the printer so I would find it.” Evan tried to protest, tried to explain. Connor raised his voice. "I was the only other person in the computer lab. You left it there so I would read it and lash out. So you can tell everyone I'm a fucking psyco. That I'm a fucking _freak_. _Right_?" He crumpled up the letter and shoved it into his pocket before running off down the hallway.

 

 

 

‘ _This is gonna be weird. But I need my letter back…”_ Evan brought his hand to the door bell and took a deep breath. A few seconds later the door opened slowly, revealing Zoe.

 

“H-hi Zoe. I know this is weird because we only met earlier today and now I'm at your house but I really need to talk to your brother.” Evan spoke fast while fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

 

“You want to see Connor? Never thought anyone would say that… Are you his drop or something?” Zoe questioned. Evan stood in the doorway confused. He started fiddling with the straps on his backpack. "Cause if you're bringing him drugs, I'm not letting you in."

 

"W-What? No, no, I'm not. I just need to get back..." ' _Dont mention the letter, Evan. She'll be weirded out. Or worse. She'll ask why he took.'_ "A... A b-book he borrowed... for a project." Evan paused, hoping Zoe would buy it. Zoe looked into the living room, than back to Evan. “He's upstairs, I bet he has his door locked but I can let you in.”

 

“Uhm okay?” ‘ _Let's hope he doesn't kill me for showing up uninvited.’_

 

Zoe was kneeled down at Connor's bedroom door, fiddling with the handle and a bobby pin.

She was focusing intently and Evan was trying not to stare at the cute way she stuck out her tounge as she messed with the handle.

 

“Its unlocked, just… Y'know… Don't get killed. I'll stay in my room so if I hear screaming I'll rush in okay?”  Zoe smiled.

 

“O-okay…”

 

Zoe left and Evan nervously pushed the door open. Not knowing what to expect. “C-connor?” He peered around the door.

  


Connor sat on his bed, He had taken off his brown sweater.He flicked the tip of his knife gently, judging how sharp his switch blade was. ‘ _It's sharp. Good. You can finally end everyone's suffering to deal with you. Everyone prefers Zoe. Everyone. Go ahead Connor. Your doors locked. No one will stop you. You should be dead. You don't deserve to live. Die. Connor. Kill yourself.’_ The voices got louder and louder. Tears were threatening to spill down his cheeks. ‘ _Think of how much easier it'd be for your mom. Your dad. For Zoe._ ’ With that he plunged the tip of the knife into his wrist slightly. Not crazy deep but it was bleeding.

 

“F-fuck.” Connor closed his eyes tight, letting the pain flood over his body. Before pulling the knife out and letting the blood trickle down his arm. He pulled the knife down across his arm another inch, not quite hitting the artery but damn did it bleed. He was about to plunge the knife into his arm again when he heard a small voice at the door.

 

“C-connor?” ‘ _Evan.’_

 

Evan saw the blood and gasped. He dropped his backpack and sped to Connor's side, taking off the grey sweater he was wearing. He wrestled the knife out of Connor's hand and used it to cut part of the sleeve off the sweater. He wrapped the fabric around Connor's arm. While struggling to keep Connor from pushing him away.

 

“What the fuck are you doing Hansen!?” Connor tried to push the cloth away from his arm but when it rubbed against the wound it burned and he winced. “Evan stop!”

 

“You could've cut the vein Connor. I'm not letting you bleed out.” He tied the cloth tight to Connor's arm. Evan stood up and grabbed his bag off the floor and closed Connor's bedroom door.

 

“What are you doing? Maybe I wanted to bleed out dumbass.” Connor watched Evan dig through his bag. When Evan pulled out a smaller bag with a red cross he got confused. “What are you…?”

 

“Im certified for first aid. So I… Was going to sew up the wounds… So you know… you wouldn't have to tell your parents why you had to go to the ER…” Evan looked down at the kit, and then back at Connor. Who had turned around on the bed to face Evan, and had balanced the wounded arm on his leg.

 

“Do what you gotta do I guess…” Evan nodded. Pulling some gauze out of the kit. He carefully took the cloth off of Connor's arm, immediately replacing it with the gauze. He added some pressure to the gauze and looked up to see Connor wincing.

 

“S-sorry… but if I don't put pressure the bleeding won't stop. Thankfully the cuts aren't too deep so they should stop bleeding right away.” Evan sat there for a moment. One hand holding Connor's hand, to keep his arm steady, the other keeping pressure on the gauze. Connor hadn't noticed that Evan was holding his hand until he went to look at the blood soaking into the gauze. He found a strange comfort in the gentle way that Evan was rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.

 

“Okay… I think you may need uhm stitches which is gonna hurt a bit.” Evan said pulling the gauze off of Connor's wrist. “But you can't move your arm while I'm doing it okay?”

 

“Okay. I think I can handle it.” Connor chuckled.

 

“Okay well I need to sterilize the wound so feel free to squeeze my hand if it hurts okay?”

 

“Okay.” Evan pressed the rubbing alcohol wipe to Connor's arm and the tightened his grip on Evan's hand until Evan had finished cleaning the wounds. Connor then watched as Evan pulled a small needle out of its packet and cut some black thread. He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. Connor felt a small sting which he assumed was the needle.

 

“Hold still okay? It shouldn't take long.” Evan's voice had been soft and calm. ‘ _Does he help people like this a lot? Has he had other friends who tried to… Y'know?”_

 

 _“_ Where do you learn first aid?” Connor's eyes were still fixed on the ceiling.

 

“I… I was a junior park ranger over summer… We needed to know first aid in case anybody in the summer camps got hurt.” Evan still sounded gentle, but not patronizing. Just calm.

 

“Have you had to do this before?”  More pain shot through Connor's arm.

 

“Sorry… and yes, once…” Evans voice got shaky for a bit. Connor though maybe it'd be best not to keep prying. “I-I’m almost done, okay?”

 

“Great.” Connor stayed staring at the ceiling. He was drawing patterns on it with his eyes when he felt his skin pull. When he looked down he saw the bloodied stitches holding the wound together.

 

“I need to clean it again and then I can wrap it for you, okay?” Connor nodded, watching as Evan cleaned blood off his wrist for the second time. He held up his arm as Evan wrapped a tensor bandage around his wrist and hand. “It might hurt with the tensor rubbing against it, so try not to move too much. And you can just tell your parents you hurt it in a fight or something,”

 

“How many fights do you think I get in?” Connor said sarcastically. It must have had more bite than he had meant for it to, because Evan started stammering and apologizing. “Dude calm down. I was joking.”

 

“Sorry… I… I don't even know what I was saying I'm sorry…”

 

“It's fine, Evan,” Connor stopped before thinking. “Hey Evan, not to be rude or anything but why the fuck are you here?”

 

“I… I came here to see if I could get my uhm, my letter back?” ‘ _The letter about Zoe?’_ Connor thought while pulling the paper out of his pocket and flattening it against his chest again.

 

“Y'know I don't even know Zoe… I don't know if how I feel about her is real. It could just be that it's like I like the idea of her or something… I don't know.”

 

“It's fine,” Connor handed him the wrinkled paper. “Everyone likes Zoe better anyways. I'm used to it.”

 

“Connor were you trying to… you know…”

 

“Kill myself? Maybe. Why do you care?” There was a tang of anger to the way he spoke.

 

“Because! Even though I don't know you very well yet… I'd like to be your friend Connor.”

 

“Why? I'm just some freak. Ask my sister or your friend, Klienman.”

 

“I don't think you're a freak Connor.”

 

“ _You_ don't fucking _know_ me!” Connor raised his voice.

 

Evan, daringly, put his hands on Connor's shoulders, holding him still. “I want to!” His volume matched Connor's. Connor stopped.

 

“Whatever.” Connor slouched over, avoiding looking at Evan at all.

 

“Connor obviously I care about you… I mean… I just sewed up your arm. That's gotta show something right?”

 

“What if you don't care the next time?”

 

“I will Connor. I'll always care. I may not know you very well but I don't want to hear that you killed yourself.” Evans voice broke during the last part. Connor looked up at Evan to see him verging on crying and panicking.

 

‘ _Oh no.’_ Connor thought. ‘ _Do not get attached. Do not!’_

 

A tear fell from Evans eye and trickled slowly down his cheek until Connor raised his hand and wiped it away with his thumb.

 

 _‘Fucking hell Connor Murphy you dumbass._ ’

 

Evan didn't notice he was crying until he felt Connor's hand against his cheek. ‘ _He's being really gentle. I wonder why? Is he kind like this with his other friends? Does he have other friends?’_ Evan felt a blush paint over his face. _‘No, no. Nononono. Don't blush. Stop blushing Evan.’_ Evan pulled his head away from Connor's hand. As he did, someone, assumedly Miss Murphy, called for Connor and Zoe.

 

“Shit. I don't want to go for dinner… Evan,” Connor said as if he just came up with a brilliant idea. “Come with me.” Connor stood up, moved around Evan, grabbing his jacket and messenger bag. Evan grabbed his bag, shoving the first aid kit back inside.


	2. "Hey, Evan."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh I'm sorry. Are you hastag triggered, Connor?" Jared let go of Evans shoulders, stepping towards Connor aggressively. As soon as Evan was free from Jared's grip he locked his locker and ran off.
> 
>  
> 
> "Evan?" Connor called after him. 'Shit. Shit. Shit. Go after him!' Connor pondered the thought. 'Or don't, I don't care. Do whatever you want, I don't care. Connor wasn't going to until he saw Jared start walking the direction Evan had run off in. He put his hand out, stopping Jared. "You stay."

"Hey, Evan." Connor walked up and leaned on the locker beside the one Evan was rummaging through. Evan wore a grey sweater, just like the one from yesterday only the sleeve wasn't torn. He never seemed to dress to stand out.

 

"H-hey Connor..." Evan kept his head down and his hands busy fumbling with something in his backpack. ' _Is he always this anxious? He wasn't yesterday when he was fixing up my arm... Was he?'_

 

"I realized I never said thanks yesterday. So thanks, I guess?" Connor gently patted Evan on the shoulder and Evan jumped. "Are you okay, Evan?" 

 

Evan was going to speak when Jared walked up, throwing an arm around Evan. 

 

"Hey Evan, did you tell your mom to tell my mom I was nice to you?" Jared spoke with a cockiness only the deeply insecure could master. Connor was tempted to slam him into a locker. Something about Jared angered Connor. Maybe it was the school shooter joke yesterday.

 

"Beat it Kleinman." Connor snarled.

 

"Woah, calm down Richard Ramirez. I'm just tryna talk to my good  _family_ friend." Jared pulled Evan close to him. Which ruined Evan's attempt at blending in with his locker. Evan started to breath heavily. He never liked conflict.

 

"Obviously he doesn't want you here." Connor's voice was loud and sharp, like daggers.

 

"And you think he wants you around? Come on. You're a teen suicide waiting to happen." Connor clenched his fists. ' _I hope he knows the only thing keeping my from knocking him on his ass is that he's got Evan.'_  

 

"J-jared... You shouldn't..." Evans voice was quiet and shaky.

 

"What? I shouldn't joke about it? Look at him Evan, he looks like he just walked out of hot topic."

 

"Keep fucking talking Klienman, and I'll rip your tounge out." 

 

"Oh I'm sorry. Are you hastag triggered, Connor?" Jared let go of Evans shoulders, stepping towards Connor aggressively. As soon as Evan was free from Jared's grip he locked his locker and ran off.

 

"Evan?" Connor called after him. ' _Shit. Shit. Shit. Go after him!'_ Connor pondered the thought. ' _Or don't, I don't care. Do whatever you want, I don't care._ Connor wasn't going to until he saw Jared start walking the direction Evan had run off in. He put his hand out, stopping Jared. "You stay."

 

 

"Evan?" ' _Connor?'_ Connor opened the door to the washroom. "Are you in here?" Evan didn't want Connor to see him having a full blown panic attack. Despite the fact that Evan had walked in on Connor halfway through a suicide attempt yesterday. Evan tried to hold back the sobs but his whole body was shaking against the cold wall. A loud sob broke the silence.

Connor peered under the stall door. "Evan, let me in."

 

Hastily, Evan rose from the cold ground. Walking over to the stall door and unlocking it before cowering back into the stalls corner. Connor slowly opened the door. 

 

"Hey... What happened?" Connor sounded calm and gentle. ' _I don't think I've ever seen this side of Connor before. It seems like he... Cares? About me?'_  "Evan?" Connors voice interrupted Evans thoughts.

"I... You and j-Jared... Fighting... Y-yelling" Evan couldn't get a coherent sentence out between the quick, shallow breaths and convulsive sobs.

 

"Evan you need to breathe." ' _Its hard to breathe while crying.'_ "Just breathe with me okay? In for seven counts out for eight." Connor took a deep breath in and Evan tried to follow but a sob broke the breath. "It's okay, Evan. Try again," Connor grabbed Evan's hand. He was rubbing circles on the back of it. The same way Evan had done for him yesterday.

 

Connor continued trying to get Evan to breathe with him until Evan had stopped crying and calmed down enough to explain what was wrong.

 

"I'm sorry, Connor..." Evan spoke quietly.

 

"For what? Having a panic attack? I'm not gonna judge you for having a panic attack Evan.  I'm not one to judge." Connor held up his bandaged arm. "Not after what happened yesterday." Evan could tell Connor was trying to be comforting. It was working, kind of. Evan didn't feel as alone as he usually did. He felt safe and comforted.

 

"T-thank you... For helping me..." 

 

"Anytime Evan. Seriously. I mean I owe you." 

 

"Y-you owe me?" 

 

"Yeah, I mean you saved my life." Connor smirked.

 

"I didn't really..." Evan trailed off, wiping the tears from his cheeks. 

 

Connor put a hand on Evan's chin, turning Evan to face him. 

 

"Evan, admit it. You're an everyday hero." Connor smiled slightly. Evan tried to muster a smile but he was still shaking. In stead he wrapped his arms around Connor's shoulders and let himself fall onto Connor's chest.

 

Connor was stunted. He couldn't remember the last time someone hugged him without being forced to by pushy family members. Yet here he was, sitting on the floor of the school washroom, being held by Evan Hansen. Cautiously, Connor wrapped his arms around Evan, pulling him closer. He leaned into the hug, resting his chin on Evan's head and gently running his fingers through Evan's shirt, soft, blond hair. ' _This isn't too bad.'_

 

"Are you gonna be okay, Evan?" Connor didn't want to break the comfortable silence, but he needed to be sure. Evan nodded slightly, moving himself closer to Connor.

 

' _Connor smells nice...'_  Evan half expected him to reek of pot, but he smelt comforting. ' _Like cinnamon. Maybe it's to cover up?'_

 

The comfort of the moment faded with light knocking on the stall door.

 

"Yo homos, let me in." Jared said, calmer than Connor would have expected from him. Connor reached over, trying to open the door.

 

"Can't reach. Guess you're fucked." Connor said, Sarcasm mixed with anger.  Jared knocked again.

 

"C'mon Ev. Let me in pal." Evan sighed and sat up. He started to miss the warmth of Connor when he was hit with the cold air of the washroom. He stood up, unlocking the stall. Evan sat back on the floor beside Connor, despite wanting to hug him again. ' _Jared would call me gay and I'm not gay... I'll just sit here.'_

Jared kneeled down infront of Evan and Connor, putting his hand on Evan's shoulder. "You good, buddy?"

 

' _Buddy... He talks like we're actually friends and not just family friends.'_ Evan nodded. He had stopped shaking and his breathing had evened out. 

 

"He didn't like that we were fighting." Connor said, matter of fact-ly.

 

"Maybe if you weren't such a freak." Jared started. As soon as he said freak, Connor had stood up and started on his way out of the washroom. 

"Jared." Evan pushed Jared's hand off of his shoulder. 

 

"What? Come on, Evan. He's the perfect loner, stoner combo. You can't tell me you genuinely want to be friends with _that_." 

 

"Why wouldn't I,  Jared? We're more alike than you think." Evan fiddled with the edge of his cast, feeling the cotton on his finger and the plaster on his thumb.

 

"You and I are more alike than you and Connor. Seriously Evan."

 

" You and I aren't anything like each other." Evan raised his voice, standing up. "You don't know anything about me!" Evan marched out of the washroom. He had never raised his voice at Jared, never had the courage to. 

 

As Evan walked down the hallway, he didn't turn back. Didn't even look. Instead he pulled out his phone, opening up his messages and texting his mom. 

 

**Hey, I had a panic attack so I'm heading home.**

 

Okay honey. Do you need me to drive you? I can take time off work.

 

** It's fine, I'll walk. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so much love so quickly on the last chapter, I'm so blessed. I love you all, thank you so much!
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ musical blog
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com  
> ^ art blog
> 
> New Chapters Every week! (Or more often if I feel I should!)
> 
> Ps. Richard Ramirez is a Serial Killer


	3. Evan, Are You Still Upset With Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan closed his locker. 'Find a way out, Evan. Find a way out.' Evan looked down the hallway. 'Is that?' Suddenly the figure was approaching Evan. 'Connor. Thank god.'
> 
>  
> 
> "Evan?" Jared grabbed Evan's shoulder, turning him to face him. "Seriously, What did I do?" 
> 
>  
> 
> "Y-you know what you did Jared."

"Evan, Are you still upset with me?" Jared leaned against the locker beside Evan's. Evan did his best to avoid acknowledging Jared's presence. "C'mon Evan, it's been like three days." 

 

Evan closed his locker. ' _Find a way out, Evan. Find a way out.'_ Evan looked down the hallway. ' _Is that?'_ Suddenly the figure was approaching Evan. ' _Connor. Thank god.'_

 

"Evan?" Jared grabbed Evan's shoulder, turning him to face him. "Seriously, What did I do?" 

 

"Y-you know what you did Jared."

 

"Are you actually fucking ignoring me because I called your stoner boy-toy a freak?"

 

"He's not my... We're not a thing... We're just friends."

 

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear." Jared's attention shifted to over Evans shoulder. "Hi Connor." Jared wore a fake smile.

 

"All hell must be empty." Connor quoted back to Jared with a bitter tinge to his voice. "For the Devils are here." Jared rolled his eyes. Evan turned to face Connor. 

 

"Was... was that Shakespeare?" Evan asked. 

 

"Well no. It was me," Connor smirked. "But I was quoting Shakespeare."

 

"God, you're so fucking pretentious." Jared scoffed, waving a goodbye to Evan.

 

"So, Do you want a ride home? Because Zoe is driving me and I'd.." Connor stopped, running his hand through his hair. "I don't want to have to suffer through a car ride with her alone.

 

Evan felt his heart race when Connor mentioned Zoe. He tried to keep himself visibly calm. 

 

 When they got out to the car, Connor opened the door gesturing for evan to get in. Evan climbed into the car, sitting awkwardly. 

 

"Hey Evan" Zoe said warmy as Connor got into the car, siting across from Evan. "Hey fuck up."

 

"Hello dear sweet loving sister of mine." Connor replied sarcastically.

 

"Evan are you coming over or do you want me to drop you off at home?" Zoe asked, turning to look over her shoulder at Evan,  who was trying not to blush or make a fool of himself.

 

"H-home would be good. T-thank you." Evan looked down at his shaking hands as soon as Zoe turned back to start the car.

 

Connor noticed Evan's shaking hands. ' _Should I like... comfort him? or something? He likes Zoe that's probably why he's nevrvous. Everyone always likes Zoe...'_ Connor's thoughts drifted and he had to pull himself back to focus on something around him before he got too angered by his thoughts. He looked back to Evan's hands. ' _He's still shaking...'_ Connor reached over, pulling one of Evan's hands out of its grip with his other hand. Connor just held Evan's hand, rubbing circles on the back of it. Trying to comort Evan as Zoe drove.

 

 

Evan directed Zoe on where to turn and which roads to take to get to his house. Just as they pulled up and Evan was about to get out of the car, Connor stopped him. Quickly, Connor grabbed Evan's broken arm, pulling the cast towards him. Evan realized Connor had an uncapped sharpie in his hand. Connor quickly wrote a series of numbers onto Evan cast, following it with an arrow pointing to The large writing across the cast. 

 

"If you ever need me... Just y'know... text or something." Connor said, letting go of Evan's wrist and letting him leave. 

 

Evan quickly thanked Zoe before he got out of the car, closed the door and waved to Zoe and Connor. He watched as the car drove off down the road before he walked up to the door.

 

Once inside Evan walked to the kitchen. As he expected, on the counter there was a twenty dollar bill and a sticky note. _'Guess I'll be eating cereal for dinner... Or not eating at all. I haven't decided yet.'_

Evan sat at the table on the kitchen, pulling his science homework out of his bag. He set everything up on the table before realizing he didn't really want to do homework. He looked at the phone number scrawled across his cast. He debated ignoring it for a few minutes before typing the number into a new contact in his phone and saving it under 'Connor Murphy'. ' _Does this mean we're friends?'_ Evan thought about it for a minute. He didn't end up actually sending Connor a text for another ten minutes. 

 

**Evan: Hey It's Evan.**

 

Five minutes later, he got a message from Connor.

 

Connor: hey hansen

what's up?

 

~~~~_'So connor is one of those people. The ones who send each thought as a separate text.'_

 

**I don't want to do homework. Science is only interesting if it's environmental biology.**

 

i prefer physics

 

** Really? I didn't think of you as a science type person. **

 

science type?

what am i a fuckin pokemon

 

** Sorry. I worded that weirdly. **

 

yea kinda 

did u like

just want to talk or soemthing?

 

**You mean something?**

 

fuk u

u know what I meant

 

** Sorry. I guess talking would be nice. We don't really know much about each other. I know you have a sister. **

 

I know u have a crush on my sister

don't even deny it 

I know thats what u meant by ur letter

 

** I'm sorry. **

 

stop saying sorry

you don't need to be sorry

everyone ends up having a crush on Zoe at some point

it's fine.

 

** I... Don't know what to say. **

 

okay well then ill start

i read 

 

** You read? What's your favourite book? **

 

the outsiders

or a darker shade of magic

I can't decide

wbu?

 

**I read... about... trees...**

 

why am I not surprised

 

They kept talking for hours. Evan working on a bit of his homework in between wait in for Connor to text back.

 

It was about 7:30pm when evan heard the front door open. He had been home for four and a half hours and all he had really done was five out of his seven science questions and talk to Connor.

 

"Hi honey. I didn't expect you to be down here still." Heidi walked into the kitchen, putting her coat on a hanger and her purse on a chair at the table. "Working on homework?"

 

Evan looked up from his phone. "Yeah, it's science work. Chemistry isn't my strong suit." Evan put his phone down on the table and read through the question he was working on for the third time. His phone buzzed loudly on the table.

 

"Who's that" His mom asked as she emptied her water bottle into the kitchen sink.

 

"My friend, Connor." ' _Are we even friends? Can I call him my friend? Would he be okay with it?"_

 

 

The car ride from Evans house to the Murphy house was draining. Zoe bickered about the smallest things. Anyway that a fight could be brought up, it usually was. 

 

"So... Are you dealing to him or paying him?" Zoe asked Connor not too long after they had dropped off Evan. 

 

"Neither. If anything I owe him." Connor said simply. "Now turn in here."

 

"Why do you want me to stop at a Seven Eleven?"

 

"I need smokes and you need gas." Connor reached over the shoulder of Zoe's seat, pointing at the dashboard. Zoe sighed and when the light went green she turned into the parking lot.

 

 

Connor walked into the store, checking his phone to see if he wasn't late. ' _Thank god. I'm actually on time.'_ When he looked up from his phone a man in a red sweater, about Connor's age walked past him. Connor watched as he moved down the aisles, following him from a distance. When Connor next crossed the kids path, he purposefully dropped a twenty dollar bill.

 

"I'm sorry," He tapped Connor's shoulder. "I think you dropped this." Connor held out his hand, quickly grabbing the small bag out of the palm of the kid.

 

"Thanks." Connor nodded. The kid went off on his way, getting a slushie and leaving. 

 

Zoe walked into the store as Connor was paying for his carton of cigarettes and an energy drink. Connor took his change from the cashier, collecting the cigarettes and drink off the counter and walking outside to the car. When he sat inside the car he pulled out his phone to see if Evan had messaged him. He ended up messaging his dealer an apology for being so short notice on a drop location and to thank him.

 

Zoe got into the car to see Connor typing on his phone. 

 

"Texting your hook up?" Zoe asked.

 

"No. I'm waiting on a text from Evan, captain curious." Connor brushed off her scoff.

 

"Why are you so invested in him. He's so nice and sweet." She stopped herself from trailing off. "And you're so not."

 

"What do you have a crush on him or something?" Connor asked bitterly, not wanting to hear the wrong answer. 

 

"No way. He's not my type. Why? Would you be jealous if I did like him? Do you have a gay crush on the nice kid?"

 

"Zoe stop. Okay! I told you and dad, I'm not fucking gay." 

 

"And I told you that that's a fucking lie." 

 

"Zoe," Connor raised his voice, "I am not fucking gay." 

 

"Puh-lease, Con." Zoe smirked, driving out of the parking lot and down the road. "We all know you're so fucking queer. You're basically Neil Patrick Harris."

 

"Don't fucking call me con. And I'm not fucking gay Zoe." Connor dug his finger nails into his bandaged arm. "Maybe you're fucking gay."

 

"You just don't want to admit you're a homo because you're afraid mom and dad will kick you out." 

 

"I'm more afraid dad would kill me."

 

"So you are gay!"

 

"Fuck off!" Connor dug his nails further into the bandage, into the wound. He could feel it bleeding under the gauze. ' _Shit.'_ Connor ignored Zoe for the rest of the drive.

 

 

"Home sweet shithole" Connor said, walking through the garage into the kitchen. He had hung around outaide to have a smoke as Zoe went in ahead of him. Upon hear his parents in the living room, he tried to be as quiet as possible while sneaking behind them and upstairs to his room.

 

He walked quietly through the living room and up the stairs. He was almost scott-free when his mom turned around, catching him.

 

"Connor. Can we talk? You, me, and your father." Connor stomped down the stairs and flopped down on the couch across from his parents.

 

"What did the school call about? What did I do now?" Connor asked, unsure if he was feeling angry or anxious.

 

"No, the school didn't call." His mother, Cynthia, replied. His father, Larry, didn't talk. He just sat there, staring at Connor, scowling.

 

"Then what did I do?"

 

"Zoe told us something-"

 

"Zoe lied." 

 

"She said that you told her that you're gay Connor. Is that true?"

 

"Did you not hear me?"

 

"Speak to your mother with some respect, Connor." Larry piped in, raising his voice.

 

"What do you want me to say? 'Oh yes mom. I am gay. I'm gay and very excited for Dad to tell me to get my ass out of your fucking house." Connor raised his own voice, matching his fathers.

 

"Just answer the question Connor." Cynthia spoke softly.

 

"You didn't listen when I told you that I needed fucking help. Why do you suddenly care about me? Is it that if I'm gay all of the shit I told about years ago suddenly becomes fucking valid?" Connor stood up, his voice flooded with anger.

 

"Connor that's not-"

 

"Don't tell me that's not how it would fucking go over. If I was gay what makes you think I would fucking tell you? After every time I've tried to get your help with something and you've told me it'll work itself out. Nothing fucking works out. Nothing. Not a single fucking thing." Connor started to get more angered. "You don't know anything about me anymore, Do you?" Larry went to speak but Connor stopped him. "You don't. You know I'm the problem and thats it. You can't even tell me my favourite fucking book can you?"

 

"Its..." Cynthia stooped herself upon realizing she didn't know.

 

"Exactly! You do fucking know. You don't know that I tried to fucking kill myself not three days ago. You never even asked about the bandage on my arm." Connor pulled at his sleeve. "You just ignored it. So maybe I am gay. Maybe I'm not. I'm not gonna fucking tell you until you start trying to care for me as you're kid, not just some inconvenience that you share a fucking house with."

 

"Connor..." Larry started.

 

"Oh? What? Do you suddenly care? Ha that's a good one, Larry. You almost fooled me." Connor finished his rant, stomping up the stairs and slamming his door.

 

 

Connor flopped down onto his bed. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, seeing that he had a new message. 

 

' _Evan.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write connor as sarcastic idk I like how it fits with him.  
> anywho connor is suffering  
> evan is oblivious  
> zoe isn't as pure as you'd think  
> Larry sucks and Cynthia is trying  
> and Heidi makes an entrance!!!
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com  
> ^ art blog
> 
> New Chapters Every week!


	4. "Shit."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family?" Connor laughed. "This," he gestured to the four of them. "Is not a fucking family." His voice carried more anger. "The family here, is you, Mom, and Zoe. I just fucking live here according to you three. I'm just the fucking free loader whose a total inconvenience." 
> 
>  
> 
> "Connor." Cynthia sounded more sincere. " You know that's not-"

' _Shit._ ' Connor hated falling asleep with the blinds open. It didn't matter what time of day it was, some amount of sunlight managed to creep it's way into his dark room. Connor rolled over and turned on his phone to check the time. ' _8:36... pm? Jesus. I fucking took a four hour nap? Who in their right mind takes a four hour nap?'_ Connor sat up on his bed, stretching his arms above his head. Looking back at his phone he realized he missed a text from Evan.  _'Shit, he's gonna think I got pissed at him for something.'_

 

**Connor?**

 

hey srry

i fell asleep

i wasnt ignoring u

 

** Sorry. I was just going to ask what happened that you were so upset? **

 

some utter bullshit with zoe

she told my homophobic dad that im gay

 

Connor looked at the message before deleting it. ' _I don't need Evan thinking I'm gay. What if he's gay... No. He likes Zoe. Stop thinking like that dumbass.'_ Connor hit his temple,  pulling himself out of that thought process and back to his phone.

 

zoe outed me for something i didnt do

shes being a total bitch

 

** Zoe is? If you don't mind my asking, What did she "out" you for doing? **

 

' _Shit. Do I avoid it? Do I say drugs? He knows I do drugs right? What if he doesn't and when I tell him he decided he hates me because I'm a stoner? Avoid it! Avoid the question Connor!'_

 

its not something I want to talk abt

srry

 

** It's fine. You don't need to talk if you don't want to. **

 

Connor breathed a sigh of relief. That relief didn't last long. When he rolled over on his bed, to face his door, he noticed that it was missing off it's hinges.

"Larry?!" Connor yelled down the stairs from his doorway. He heard muttering, his mom, his dad, and Zoe, before his dad yelled back.

 

"Connor." Connor marched down the stais. Looking into the living room he saw his mom and dad sitting together on the couch watching TV.  Zoe was sitting on the other couch, legs sprawled across it, with her computer on her lap and one headphone in her ear. Connor walked into the living room, standing by the end of the couch, near Zoe's feet. 

 

"Care to inform me as to where the fuck my bedroom door is?" Connor raised his voice slightly. 

 

"I'm sorry?" Larry glanced from the television to Connor, then quickly back. 

 

Con nor slammed his hand down on the backrest of the couch causing it to rock and Zoe to jump. "You fucking heard me, Old man." 

 

"Connor!" Cynthia looked over to him. Her face reading something between anger, confusion, and worry.

 

"You'll get your door back when you learn to respect this family Connor." Larry didn't move as he spoke.

 

"Family?" Connor laughed. "This," he gestured to the four of them. "Is not a fucking family." His voice carried more anger. "The family here, is you, Mom, and Zoe. I just fucking live here according to you three. I'm just the fucking free loader whose a total inconvenience." 

 

"Connor." Cynthia sounded more sincere. " You know that's not-"

 

"Not true? Please. I bet you could tell the whole world about your perfect daughter. Your darling Zoe. Yet people ask about me and you suddenly forget you ever knew anyone named Connor. I mean nothing to you. I'm just fucking _here_." Connor left the room before anyone could respond. He walked through he kitchen, grabbing his keys and the car keys off the counter. 

 

Connor got into the car, pulling his phone out of his pocket and texting the first person he thought of.

 

can we go for a drvie somewhere?

pls

 

** Is everything okay? Are you okay? **

 

fought with mom n dad n zoe

cant be home rn

please evan

let's go to the old orcahrd or something

 

**The Orchard? Yeah Sure.**

 

great I'll pick u up soon

bring like a book or something because idk how talkitive ill be

 

** Talkative. **

 

The Drive to the Orchard was long and quiet. Evan was trying not to worry too much about Connor but he could tell he was stressed and angry. 

 

"C-connor?" Evan spoke quietly, twiddling his thumbs.

 

"What." Connor's words bit into the air.

 

"You're gripping the steering wheel really tightly." 

 

"Don't think about it too much." Connor seemed a bit calmer but still his words were filled with anger.

 

"C-can you drive w-with one hand?" Evan angered shyly, remembering earlier and how comforting holding Connor's hand was when he was flustered to be around Zoe.

 

"Yeah, why?" Evan didn't respond he just waited until they were stopped at an intersection before pulling Connor's right hand off of the steering wheel and just holding it in his hands. His thumb rubbing small circles against the palm of Connor's hand.

 

The rest of the drive was quiet. Evan kept holding Connor's hand shyly. Connor kept driving, calming down with every movement of Evan's gentle thumb against his hand. ' _Dont get used to it. This is probably a one time thing, Connor. He just doing it to calm you down so you don't crash the car."_ Connor thought. 

 

They pulled into the parking lot of the Orchard. Connor quickly got out of the car, walking over to the gate, leaning against it wit his back and using his whole weight to force the iron fence open. When it opened he went back to the car, pulling a small drawstring bag out of the backseat and throwing it over his shoulders.

 

Evan slowly got out the car. Holding the handle to his back back in one hand, he closed the car door. which was almost immediately followed by the sound of the doors locking. 

 

 

Evan and Connor walked through the Orchard, wordlessly. Every now and then Connor's hand would brush against Evan's as they walked and Connor would flinch and instinctively put his hand in his pocket. They kept walking until Connor stopped at a large tree.

 

"Connor?" Evan asked. Connor didn't reply, he just stared up at the tree.

 

"My da-" Connor stopped. "Larry..." Connor sat in the grass, gesturing for Evan to sit under the tree with him. "He used to bring me and Zoe here." 

Evan sits in the grass beside Connor, grabbing his hand again. ' _Maybe this is comforting for him? I hope it is. He seems... angry? Stressed? I'm not really sure.'_ Evan's inner monologue had distracted him from listening to Connor. 

 

"She and I would just play games. Pretend we're Dragons or some shit. She was way smaller than me so one time I carried her on my shoulders. She had her arms out o she wasn't holding on or anything. I guess I lost my balance or something but Zoe fell. Larry freaked the fuck out. He started yelling at me, blaming me. It wasn't my fault that she fell. She wasn't holding on." Connor held Evan's hand tight in his own, absent mindedly. "I got so mad. I just left." 

 

Evan didn't quite know how to react to Connor opening up so much. He just sat there staring at Connor in silence. 

 

They would've sat in silence for longer had Evan's phone not gone off. "Connor... I-it's almost 10." 

 

"Oh shit, I should take you home."

 

"What are you going to do? Are you going home?" 

 

"No chance in hell. I'll just... Sleep in my car or something." 

 

Evan wasn't about to let his friend sleep in a car. He insisted Connor join him, explaining how they could order a pizza and watch a movie or just talk. Evan also explained how his mom would be home until two in the morning because she works at night. Reluctantly, Connor agreed and the two of them left the Orchard. 

 

 

When they got to Evan's house he shyly apologized for how lackluster it was. 

 

"Evan, I'm used to a big house where no one used sixty percent of the rooms in it. I like your place. It's simple." Connor said, copying Evan in taking off his shoes at the front door. Connor followed Evan into the Kitchen. Evan quickly noticed the money on the counter. 

 

"Do you need me to order? Your anxiety, right... You can't like... Make phone calls." Connor asked after reading the sticky note that was left beside the money.

 

"I can order o-online... But uhm... You're okay with answering the door right?" Evan asked, moving to the laptop that was perched on the table. 

 

"Yeah. I can do that." Connor watched Evan order the pizza. ' _Cheese. Plain and safe. I wonder if Evan likes pinapple on pizza? Nah, Doesn't seem like his thing.'_

 

 

The two waited in the living room for the pizza. They absently watched whatever was on the TV while talking. Evan explained how he wasn't talking to Jared currently. Connor talked about how he had told his parents about his arm and what happened, but not how Evan had saved him. When the pizza got there, Connor answered the door, paid the delivery girl, and returned to the living room. They continued to talk. 

 

"So yeah, Larry and I haven't been close since I was like... 10? It's been a long time," Connor bit into his 3rd slice of the pizza. "Whats your dad like?" He said, his mouth full of food. 

 

"My dad?" ' _Lie. Tell him you've got a great dad. He's friendly and takes you to baseball games. Something.'_ "He's... Nice." 

 

"Does he live with you?" 

 

"Y-Yeah. He... He does. He's just... Away. Away on business trips. Like all the time." 

 

"Yeah? What's he do?"

 

"Uhm..." ' _You shouldn't be lying if you want to make friends, Evan.'_ "I don't know."

 

"You don't know? I thought you said he-"

 

"I lied." Evan said, with out stuttering or letting his voice waver. " I lied. I don't know why I did but I do that sometimes. I'm sorry. You probably hate me now, right?" 

 

"I don't hate you. Just... Don't make shit up. Not with me." Connor put his pizza slice down on the plate on the table in front of the couch. He reached over, taking Evan's hand in his. "So... Your dad?"

 

"He left." Evan closed his eyes, trying not to let himself picture any memories of that day. "He told me that he loved me... Loved my mom... But he... He lied. I guess I get it from him." Evan allowed his hand to wrap around Connor's. 

 

Connor moved across the couch, sitting closer to Evan. 

 

"I don't do this shit often... So don't expect me to be some weak ass person for you, Okay?" Connor's voice had a seriousness that had caught Evan's attention. Soon enough Connor was pulling Evan into a tight hug. Evan rested his head against Connor's chest, remembering the firmiliar feeling. ' _Connor is a lot nicer than he leads on."_

 

 

It was two in the morning. The last thing Heidi expected when she walked through the door was to see her son, curled up on the couch with a firmiliar looking kid. One she didn't know that Evan knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yo sorry this chapter is 2 days late ○^○  
> But Its here!! So here's the feelsy 'Dads suck' chapter ft. Evan and Connor being emotionally unstable.  
> Also yes Heidi knows connor and yes she never thought she'd see him again bc,,,,, well that's for me to know and for yall to learn soon!! 
> 
> anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com  
> ^ Art blog
> 
> New Chapters Every week! Thank you all for being so kind ♡


	5. Connor Woke Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't call me 'Con' Zo'." He grabbed her hand and she helped him stand. She wrapped an arm around him, bringing his arm over her shoulders. 
> 
>  
> 
> They walked slowly to the car. Connor handed Zoe the keys. She unlocked the door. As connor climbed into the car he hit his head. "Fuck." He brought his hand up to his forehead. "I'm too fucking tall." Zoe laughed. Connor did too.
> 
>  
> 
> It's times like this they almost seem like siblings.

Connor woke up with an uncomfortable pain in his neck. ' _Shit. When did I fall asleep?'_ He could hear faint talking in the room over. He recognized Evan's hushed voice. He also recognized the other voice, at least he thought he did. It was a voice he hadn't heard in a few years so he wasn't quiet sure.

 

 

Heidi tapped on Evan's shoulder. "Evan sweetie?" He stirred slightly. "Evan?" His eyes slowly opened.

 

"Mom?" His voice was tired and quiet. 

 

"Hey kiddo, Can we talk?" Heidi had some questions. "I don't want to wake up your friend though."

 

Evan looked at Connor. ' _I must've fallen asleep while leaning on his chest... Oops?'_ Evan slowly pulled his arms from around Connor's torso. Connor shifted and Evan stopped moving, waiting to see if he woke up. When Connor didn't move again Evan continued.

 

 

Heidi walked Evan into the Kitchen. "So, who's your friend, Evan?"

 

Evan fiddled with the hem of his shirt. "H-his name is C-connor. Connor Murphy..." 

 

"Connor Murphy? The one who threw a printer at the teacher?" Heidi knew that that was the Connor Evan was talking about. She just didn't know how to tell Evan about when she helped Connor when he was in the hospital. "How long have you been friends?" 

 

"N-Not long. About a... A week... Barely." Evan wasn't quite sure. Yes he didn't know Connor personally for that long but it felt like they were friends.

 

"That's nice." She smiled. "How did you meet?" 

 

"He found one of my... My therapy letters. He thought it was some weird thing so he... Well he... He took it. So I walked to his house after school... And when I went to get it back..." Evan realized he had probably said too much but he didn't know if he had the option of going back and changing the story. "Well... Zoe, h-his sister, she uh... She let me into his room and he... He wasn't... Okay? I guess."

 

"What do you mean he wasn't okay? You can tell me Evan." She put her hand on Evan's shoulder, aiming to comfort him. Normally he would duck away from her touch but he didn't this time.

 

"He... I think he was t-trying to..." Just before Evan could finish he noticed Connor walk to the door way of the kitchen.

 

"I hate to interpret but I think I should get home. Zoe is spamming me with worried- _ish_ texts." Connor spoke softly. 

 

"Do you need a Ride, Connor?" Heidi asked. 

 

' _God, I wonder if she remembers...'_ "N-No... No I drove so I'll be fine. But thank you Miss Hansen." Connor had to consciously tell himself not to slip up and call her Nurse Hansen. "Uh... Bye, Evan."

 

"Bye, Connor." Evan half smiled, waving. Heidi watched how Evan's face had lit up talking to Connor. It made her smile.

 

 

Connor got into his car, leaning over to grab his drawstring bag off the backseat. He opened it pulling his Cigarette tin and lighter. He never keeps cigarettes in the tin, but it's a convincing way to hide blunts. He took one out and slipped it into this pocket with his lighter. He pulled his phone back out of his pocket. ' _Nearly three am seems like a good time to get high in the park near my house and hope I pass out. Shit. Three missed calls from mom, nine missed texts from Zoe, and unsurprisingly, fuck all from Larry.'_ Connor threw his phone down onto the passenger seat and started the car.

 

 

He got two more calls, both from his mom, while driving. He pulled into a parking lot near the park. He grabbed his phone and bag, walking away from the car for a bit before turning around and locking it. When he reached the field near a forset and close to the park. Connor layed down in the cold grass. 

 

No less than ten minutes later he had finished his blunt. Rolling up his sweater sleeve until just past the bandaged part of his arm before pressing the burning paper quickly to the exposed skin. He winced, pressing it against his arm harder. 

 

"Fuck" he muttered, falling back onto the grass. ' _Why do I do that every damn time? Evan would be so fucking dissapointed.'_

 

He was brought back to the hazy, wavering, reality he was in when his phone rang. "Well aren't you fucking obnoxious." He said to his ring tone. Without looking at who was calling he answered.

 

"helllllllllll-o?" He hadn't noticed how he dragged out the "l" sound. "Who wants my attention because you fucking got it pal."

 

"Connor?" It was Zoe. "Mom he picked up, he's not fucking dead." She said away from the receiver. "Connor wear are you?"

 

"A place with grass." he snickered to himself. "Whyyyy do you care?" 

 

"Connor are you fucking high?"

 

"When am I not."

 

"Mom I'm pretty sure he's high in the park again. No surprise."

 

"I'm gonna fucking fall asleep Zo'. The grass is so damn soft." He wasn't lying. It was hard enough for him to keep his eyes open when he was really high. Drugs often made him tired.

 

"Mom he's got the car. Can we go get his dumbass?" He could hear his mom agreeing. ' _Fffffffuuuuccckkkk.'_ Connor's eyelids were getting really heavy.

 

"Connor don't move. We're bringing you home." He was barely listening.

 

The last thing he remembered before passing out was Zoe hanging up.

 

 

Zoe walked toward the forest before she started to hear the firmiliar ring of Connor's phone.

 

"Found him!" She yelled over to their mother who was frantically searching the field for her wasted son. "You go, I'll drive the dick home."

 

"Okay, Be careful." Cynthia started back to the car and Zoe turned her attention back to her sleeping brother.

 

"Dammit Connor. You dumbass. If I had thought mom and dad would take me seriously I wouldn't have told them. I didn't know you'd freak out and go on some bender. Can you wake the fuck up, Please?" She said as she shook his shoulders. Connor looked so peaceful asleep. He didn't look upset or angry. It made Zoe mis when they were kids and would camp out in the living room, watching movies.

 

It wasn't until Connor brushed her hands off his shoulders that Zoe realized she'd been holding her breath.

 

"Zo'?" He stirred.  "W-where's mom?"

 

" I figured you didn't want to see her or dad right now so I told her I'd drive you." 

 

"Thanks I guess." He almost smiled. Zoe pushed his shoulder. 

 

"C'mon. Get up, Let's get you home Con."  She stood up, extending her hand to Connor.

 

"Don't call me 'Con' Zo'." He grabbed her hand and she helped him stand. She wrapped an arm around him, bringing his arm over her shoulders. 

 

They walked slowly to the car. Connor handed Zoe the keys. She unlocked the door. As connor climbed into the car he hit his head. "Fuck." He brought his hand up to his forehead. "I'm too fucking tall." Zoe laughed. Connor did too.

 

It's times like this they almost seem like siblings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of the murphy sibling redemption arch? Maybe? I'm not sure. I feel bad for playing Zoe as a villain but really everyone in Dear evan Hansen is a villain in someway.
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com   
> ^ musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com   
> ^ art blog
> 
> New Chapters Every week!


	6. Connor Stumbled Into The Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How the fuck are you all morning people? It's unnatural." Connor said, sitting down at the table across from Zoe and adjacent to Larry. Cynthia put a plate in front of him. 'Pancakes? Fuck. Mom's sucking up to me because of the dumb stunt I pulled last night. Dammit. Connor you keep hurting your family.' He tried to focus on the world around him rather than his thoughts.
> 
>  
> 
> "We're morning people because some of us stayed home instead of getting high in the park at three am." Larry spat out without looking up from his newspaper and coffee. 
> 
>  
> 
> "Sometimes I need an escape. Is that a fucking problem?"

Connor stumbled into the kitchen. He had sweats and a tee shirt on with his thin blanket wrapped around his shoulders.  ' _I hate fucking mornings.'_ Larry, Cynthia, and Zoe were bustling around the kitchen with liveliness. 

 

"How the fuck are you all morning people? It's unnatural." Connor said, sitting down at the table across from Zoe and adjacent to Larry. Cynthia put a plate in front of him. ' _Pancakes? Fuck. Mom's sucking up to me because of the dumb stunt I pulled last night. Dammit. Connor you keep hurting your family.'_ He tried to focus on the world around him rather than his thoughts.

 

"We're morning people because some of us stayed home instead of getting high in the park at three am." Larry spat out without looking up from his newspaper and coffee. 

 

"Sometimes I need an escape. Is that a fucking problem?" 

 

"Connor,  Langauge." Cynthia put a hand on his shoulder. 

 

"Yes it is a problem, Connor. You're seventeen. You're a senior in high school. Maybe you should start trying to pull your life together." 

 

Connor was going to fight back but he felt his phone go off in his pocket.

 

** Connor? Are you awake? **

 

unfortunately 

whats up?

 

** I just wanted to ask, since Jared and I aren't really talking, could I hang out with you at school? If not it's fine. I just don't want to see Jared and I don't want to be alone. **

 

sure

ill keep klienman off ur back

 

"Connor, Are you even listening?" Larry repeated.

 

"I bet he's texting Evan." Zoe muttered, passively.

 

"Fuck off." Connor said, not looking up from his phone.

 

"Connor." Larry said, the scolding of his use of language was implied.

 

"Who's Evan?" Cynthia asked, taking a sip from her coffee mug.

 

"A friend." 

 

"Boyfriend?" Cynthia pried.

 

"No." Connor turned to talk over his shoulder to his mother. "I told you yesterday. I'm not fucking gay." 

 

"I think you're in denial, Conny." Zoe added.

 

"Shut the fuck up, Zoe." Connor stood up, sending his chair falling to the ground. He slammed his hands down on the table causing all the breakfast dishes to jump. Zoe jumped too, startled by his lashing out. He grabbed one of the pancakes off his plate and turned, stomping off upstairs.

 

"I don't think that was needed, Zoe. He's in a sensitive position. He's scared." Cynthia said, lifting the fallen chair off the floor and placing it back at the table before sitting down across from Larry.

 

"What's he got to be scared of Cynthia?" Larry put his newspaper down on the table.

 

"He's scared you'll kick him out or kill him or something." Zoe's voice got quiet and shakey.

 

"What?" Larry said, "Speak up if you want to be heard."

 

"He's scared that if he comes out as gay," She stopped. "That if he were gay, You would kick him out or kill him or something." 

 

"That would never happen." Cynthia said, looking from Zoe to Larry, who was glaring at his coffee as if it had said something offensive.. "It wouldn't happen, right Larry?" 

 

"I don't give a damn if he's one of those queers. I just want the kid to give a shit about something other than drugs." Larry said, taking a gulp of coffee. He looked at Cynthia. "I wouldn't kick the kid out for who he loves."

 

 

 

Connor walked up to Evan's locker, leaning his back against the one beside it. 

 

"Morning, Connor." Evan said, putting his bag into his locker and closing it.

 

"What do you have first?" Connor asked, turning to face Evan.

 

"Uhm... I have Study Hall. Why?" Evan fiddled nervously with his cast, picking at the plaster.

 

"Come sit with me." Connor said in an almost demanding way.

 

"S-sure." Evan assumed Connor had a spare. ' _Or he's skipping class.'_

 

"Great." Connor said, taking Evan's hand and pulling him down the hall.

 

 

They walked outside to the back of the school. There were a couple really big, leafy trees, providing an adequate amount of shade to keep the autumn sun at bay.

 

"This is my favourite place behind the school." Evan said. He liked to just sit and look at the trees and the clouds. It was calming for him.

 

"Really? Hmm." Connor nodded. He let go of Evans hand and sat down on the grass, leaning against the brick wall of the school. "I come out here to draw or smoke. Depends on how shitty my day is." 

 

"You draw?" Evan smiled.

 

"Sometimes. I'm not really any good though." Connor shrugged. He pulled a Sketchbook out of his messenger bag and then took a pencil out of his pocket. "I was just gonna draw and hope that you would like... Talk or something." Connor then pulled a cigarette put of the carton he kept in his pocket. Holding it between his lips before pulling out his lighter.

 

"You smoke cigarettes?" Evan asked, sitting down nervously.

 

"Yeah? What did you think I meant when I said smoke?" Connor smirked. 

 

"You shouldn't." Evan spoke up. " I get that it can be a relaxant but it's not good for you. I get smoking pot as a relaxant because it doesn't really harm you as bad as nicotine does which slowly kills you and could give you cancer. And you're only seventeen. You could get cancer by the time you turn twenty eight. And you don't really want that aND I don't want that for you." He didn't notice how he had rambled.

 

"You saying I should stop?" Connor questioned.

 

"Uhm... Y-yes?" Evan didn't sound to sure of himself. "Yes." Then, to Evan's surprise, Connor took the cigarette out of his mouth, putting it back into the carton and then putting the carton and the lighter into one of the pockets of his messenger bag.

 

"There." Connor smirked. "Now... Talk." Connor opened the sketchbook and tapped the pencil against his lip before starting to draw, glancing up every now and then.

 

"About what?" Evan fiddled with his shoes nervously.

 

"Tell me about yourself Evan." Connor looked up at him. Evan could have sworn Connor had smiled but the idea was so foreign that he wasn't sure.

 

"Well... You know I was a park ranger over summer. I... I learned a lot about trees and forests and stuff like that during summer. I'm sort of a tree expert I guess. You also know my dad left and my mom-" 

 

"Yeah, She's a nurse. Tell me the stuff I don't know yet." Connor said.

 

"Well... Uhm... there's not really a lot to know about me. I guess... I like the colour blue."

 

"Yeah I figured that much out." Connor brushed eraser shavings off the paper.

 

"You did?"

 

"You wear something blue everyday." Connor pointed at Evan's shirt with the end of his pencil. "Tell me more. What's your favourite movie? And if you say some weird plant earth documentary shit I'm gonna be real fucking disappointed."

 

"It's not... It's uhm... It's The Avatar movie." Evan continued fiddling, looking down at the grass. "The one with all the giant blue people... It's a weird choice. I'm sorry." 

 

"Why?" Connor asked, glancing up for a second then looking back down at his paper. 

 

"Well the idea of it is so real. It's a brilliant s-social commentary. Not t-to mention that the cinematography is beautiful."

 

"And you like the colour blue." 

 

"Yeah... And I like the colour blue." Evan looked up. He then decided to lean forward,  trting to peek at what Connor was drawing.

 

"What? Want some sort of preview?" Connor joked. "C'mere then." He patted the grass beside him. Evan quietly shuffled to sit beside Connor. He looked at the paper in awe. "It's not the best but I've only been drawing for like ten? Fifteen minutes?" 

 

"Is that..." Evan loved the drawing but he needed to be sure. "Is that me?"

 

"Yeah..." Connor erased some smudged lines near the drawing before writing evan beside it. "It's not as good as the others though."

 

"Others?" Evan asked.

 

' _Shit.'_ Connor could feel his heart racing slightly.

 

"Connor?"

 

' _Shit. What do I say? How do you tell someone that you've drawn them when they aren't paying attention? Easy, Connor. You fucking don't.'_ "I..." Connor was about to explain himself when the bell rang. "Have to go to class. See you Evan." Connor handed Evan the drawing and rushed off back into the school.

 

Evan sat there. Stunted. Staring at the drawing. Connor got ever detail, right down the to freckles that Evan hated so much. But Connor made them look nice. Evan just sat there, examining every detail in awe. He then noticed a faintly erased mark near his name beside the drawing.

 

' _Is... Is that a heart?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your sweet comments and for the kudos!!! It's means a hella lot and I'm so happy for all of them! Anyways here's a little murphy redemption for the soul and the start of the pining and denial of Connor Murphy. Also Evan having some suspicions. Also just worth mentioning, the insanely cool jared klienman comes back next chapter.
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ Musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com  
> ^ Art blog
> 
> New Chapters Every week!


	7. Connor Had Never Been More Anxious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey nerd." Jared smiled, sitting down beside Evan. "You know, I missed talking to ya'. So what's up with your angsty boy-toy." 
> 
>  
> 
> "He's... He's not my... Yknow." Evan got flustered, fidoling with the plaster on his cast. "But uhm... He's been acting weird."
> 
>  
> 
> "What'd you mean?"
> 
>  
> 
> "You know that th-theory that if you... Save someone they'll like... Fall in love with you or something?" Evan's voice got quiet.
> 
>  
> 
> "Yeah, Why? Scared that Not-Sleeping-Beauty fell for you? Did you like save his life or something?" Jared joked.

Connor had never been more anxious. After throwing the paper at Evan he raced to his Chemistry Class, knowing that there was no one there to pester him. He couldn't figure out why he was so nervous.  _'There's no way he's gonna notice. I erased it. It was never there.'_ He speed walked into class and sat at the station near the back of the lab. He took his notebook out of his messengr bag, dropping it and a pencil onto the counter top. 

 

"Hi, Connor." Alana basically appeared out of no where. "It's great to see you're coming to class again. I've been here everyday and I haven't seen you in almost two weeks. Have you been okay?"

 

"I've been-" Connor couldn't finish his reply before Alana had continued talking.

 

"I've been great. We're reviewing Balancing equations. It's exciting, Right?"

 

"Yeah... Totally." Connor couldn't help the sarcastic tone of his voice.  He crossed his arms on the table and let his head fall, resting his forehead against the soft sleeves of his sweater. He could hear Alana talking. Generously, he would nod in response whenever she phrased something like a question. His vacant listwining and her muttered voice slowly lulled Connor to sleep.

 

 

 

**Jared.**

**I**

**I need your help.**

 

Your talking to me again?

To what do I owe such an honour?

Actually wait

 

** I really need your help Jared. **

 

Yeah Yeah.

Can I just apologize first?

Okay?

I'm sorry for being a dick. To you and Connor. (Id apologize to him but he won't give me the time of day so...)

I didn't mean to upset you.

You're my best friend Evan.

 

** I am? **

** I thought we were just family friends... **

 

That was a joke

I shouldn't have kept it up for so long man

I'm sorry that was a dick move.

Anyways, What can I do ya for?

 

** It's about Connor. He's been acting strange. **

 

What do you mean?

Also can we talk in person, my hands are cramping up. Where are you?

 

** Student services. I had a minor panic attack but I'm okay. Can you meet me here? **

 

Gimme a sec

Gotta charm my way outta class but I'll be there soon.

 

With that Evan slipped his phone into the front pocket of his pants and sat quietly. Jared walked into the office not three minutes later.

 

"Hey nerd." Jared smiled, sitting down beside Evan. "You know, I missed talking to ya'. So what's up with your angsty boy-toy." 

 

"He's... He's not my... Yknow." Evan got flustered, fidoling with the plaster on his cast. "But uhm... He's been acting weird."

 

"What'd you mean?"

 

"You know that th-theory that if you... Save someone they'll like... Fall in love with you or something?" Evan's voice got quiet.

 

"Yeah, Why? Scared that Not-Sleeping-Beauty fell for you? Did you like save his life or something?" Jared joked.

 

"Technically... Y-yeah? I guess I did." Evan said. There was a look of confusion and curiosity on Jared's face. Evan unfolded the whole story to Jared, holding back some of the more gruesome details. He told Jared about Zoe unlocking the door, Connor's bleeding arm, sewing up the wounds, and wrapping up Connor's arm.

 

"Shit..." Jared's joking tone had left his voice. "That's why you... Shit. Evan I... I didn't know."

 

"I-It's fine. But b-back to Connor. He... He drew me earlier... And-" 

 

"Woah, woah wait. He drew you? And you still don't know if he wants you or not?" 

 

"I... I don't know. But I think he drew a heart beside the drawing? Though it was erased."

 

"Dude, Why are you still questioning this? He wants your ass."

 

"I don't even know if he's gay, Jared."

 

"Not everyone who likes boys is gay, Evan. You should know that, Bi-curious." Jared playfully nudged Evan's shoulder.

 

"Shhs." Evan hushed Jared. "I only told you. So keep it down please?"

 

"Wait. What happened to your crush on Zoe?" Jared stopped before adding, "Evan... Are you... Murphy-Sexual?"

 

"Shut up, Jared. Anyways... I don't know if he's interested on boys..." 

 

"Gimme a sec." Jared pulled out his phone. Evan watched over his shoulder as Jared rattled off texts to someone who's contact name is just 'Beck". 

 

"Are you texting Alana?"

 

"She owes me. Plus she has Chem with him."

 

"Are you going to get her to ask him?"

 

"She's going to be subthe, don't worry." Jared turned his phone off and slid it into his pocket.

 

 

 

Connor came to with half an hour left in class. He slowly lifted his head off his arms. _'Shit. I missed all the notes. Now I need to talk to Alana.'_ Connor stared at his blank notebook.

 

"Hey, Alana could I-"

 

"Connor, I didn't even notice you woke up. I would've woken you up myself but you looked like you could use the sleep."

 

"Can I copy your notes from today?"

 

"Sure," she smiled, sliding her notes across the table. She leaned over the table towards Connor. Propping her head on her hand. "So..."

 

"So." Connor said, copting Alana's clean and concise notes into his book.

 

"I don't know much about you."

 

"That's true."

 

"What do you like Connor?"

 

"My privacy."

 

"What else. What about crushes? Is there a girl you like?"

 

"Do you mind?"

 

"Are you Gay?"

 

"What the fuck, 'Lana?"

 

"Well you've never mentioned any girls before!" Alana voice was an excited whisper.

 

"Thats because we don't fucking talk to each other."

 

"It's okay if you are gay. I'm a lesbian so I'm not going to be like... Disgusted if you are gay. You can trust me."

 

"You're a lesbian?" Connor raised an eyebrow, looking from the book to Alana.

 

"Have you seen the girls here." Alana said, matter of factly.

 

"Theyre not really my type." Connor said passively.

 

"So... Are You?..." Alana pushed.

 

"Pretty much. But you tell anyone and you're fucking dead." Connor glared.

 

"oh, C'mon Connor. You're probably a big softy." Alana smirked jokingly.

 

"Oh yeah, totally." ' _Maybe Alana isn't as annoying as I thought. At least, not when she opens up.'_

 

 

Jared and Connor had moved to the cafeteria, Jared has insisted on getting Mountaint Dew before the lunch rush, when Jared's phone went off.

 

"Is that Alana?" Evan asked.

 

"Connor is a homosexual. Confirmed by my secret sources."

 

"Alana is your secret sources?"

 

"I'd tell you... But then I'd have to kill you." Jared joked. Evan snickered along with him and Jared smiled. He had missed Evan's laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's some Jared and Alana to pure up this sad tale. Also Alana is hard core in it with Zoe. The poor girl. But yeah. Also queue dad friend Jared and Mom friend Alana.
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ Musical blog
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> ^ Art Blog
> 
> New Chapters Every week!


	8. Evan Layed Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What was that for?" Connor said, not as angry as normal, more like he was joking.
> 
>  
> 
> "I fucked up my game. I blame you and Evan. The tension between you two ruined my focus."
> 
>  
> 
> "W-What tension?" Evan asked nervously, not really wanting to delve into why there would be tension between himself and Connor.
> 
>  
> 
> "Sexual tension. Clearly." Jared joked, raising his eyebrows. "There's gotta be something going on between you. You're both acting strange."

Evan layed down. He had had a rather eventful day and it had drained him dry. When he got home that night he didn't know what to do. Connor had managed to avoid him for the rest of the day, whoch hurt because he was supposed to sit with Evan at lunch. At least Jared was trying to be a better friend today. Jared had kept to Evan's side when he almost broke down.

 

Evan was running over the day when Heidi knocked on the frame of his doorway.

 

"Hey honey," she leaned into Evan's room. "I don't have to go to work for another couple hours, do you want to talk?"

 

Evan sat up, crossing his legs. He started fiddling with his shoelaces almost immediately. "S-sure mom... What about?" 

 

"Anything honey. Can I come sit with you?" Evan nodded and Heidi walked into Evan's room and sat with him on the bed. "Did anything happen at school today?" 

 

Evan thought about everything again. "J-Jared and I. We... We started talking again."

 

"You and jared weren't talking? I thought you were best friends."

 

"He made some jokes that I... I didn't like. A-About Connor."

 

"And how's he doing? Connor?"

 

"He..." Evan thought. ' _He's gay and might have a crush on me because I saved his life when he tried to kill himself.'_ "He's Connor."

 

"He's Connor?"

 

"Kind of... Kind of disillusioned to everything. Kind of sad-looking. B-but I... I don't think he's sad. More... Angry. W-With his family."

 

"His family? What happened with his family?"

 

"He and his parents. They... Don't get along very well. That night he came over... He had a fight w-with his dad. I guess. And he and his sister don't see eye to eye." 

 

"Honey, how well do you know Connor?" Heidi wanted so badly to tell her son about how she knew Connor. About how much Connor has been through.

 

"I guess I know him pretty well... I think he's hurting, mom. I think he might need more help than his family let him have." 

 

"Oh? What do you mean, Honey?"

 

' _I really should tell her...'_ "W-when I went to his house... T-To get my letter back after he took it... He... I think he... Was trying to..." Evan didn't know how to say it. What words to use.

 

"Trying to what?"

 

"I think he was trying to take his own life, mom." Evan said quietly to himself.

 

 

 

Jared was on the bus when Evan text him. It's not often Evan texts Jared asking for comfort, but when he did, Jared would usually drop everything and run. But this time he couldn't. Jared was busing from his mom's house to his dad's. On the other side of the city from Evan's house. He sent evan a quick apology text. Evan said it was fine before adding that he'd ask Connor.

 

 

When Connor got the text, he could not get over to Evan's house fast enough. As soon as Evan heard the soft knocking at the front door he walked slowly to answer it, knowing it was Connor. He opened the door slowly, revealing Connor.

 

"Are you okay?" Connor stepped forward, taking Evan's hands in his. 

 

"C-Can we go upstairs?" Evan's voice was shakey and his eyes were puffy. He looked as if he had been crying for hours. Connor nodded, following Evan up the stairs into his room. Evan let go of Connor's hands, walking over and sitting down on the bed, crossing his legs. He looked at Connor before patting the bed beside him, welcoming Connor to sit beside him.

 

Connor sat down, pulling on leg up onto the bed and crossing it under his other leg. He held one of Evan's hands again. "So... Do you want to talk about whatev-" Before Connor could finish his question Evan sniffed. "Don't start crying again Evan." Connor lifted Evan's head gently, making eye contact with him. "Everything will be alright, Okay? Whatever is upsetting you... We... We'll work through it okay?"

 

Evan sniffed again, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. "I told my mom." 

 

"Told your mom what Evan?" Connor squeezed his hand tighter.

 

"About You... Your-Your arm. W-what happened."

 

"Oh... What did she say?" 

 

"C-Connor why didn't you tell me?" Evan looked up at Connor, his eyes were more red than before and filled with tears. "Why did you tell me you had tried before, Connor. My mom... She was at the hospital when you were there for..." He sniffed loudly, tears sliding down his red cheeks. Connor brought a hand up to Evan's face, wiping away the tears as they fell. He felt his heart break. ' _I hurt him too. Didn't I... God. I just have to fuck everything up don't I?'_ "You tried to overdose when you were 16... Connor you really should've told me..."

 

"Evan..." He swallowed back the emotion behind his voice. "I didn't know how to okay? It's hard enough having you know I tried once. But twice? That just makes me seem more fucked up."

 

"I want to be there f-for you Connor." Evans crying was almost hysterical now. "I don't want to l-lose you." 

 

Connor didn't know what to do. He sat silently for a moment before Evan shifted, grabbing Connor's other hand and holding both tightly. Evan shook with silent sobs, clearly trying to think of what he would say next. 

 

"I care about you, Connor." Evan looked up at Connor from his hunched over state. Tears falling down his cheeks as he spoke silently. "Please don't ever forget that." Connor couldn't help the feeling of heart break that went through him. He made a mental note to never make Evan cry like this again. 

 

 

 

 

It had been a few days since Evan and Jared had Alana do some undercover spying. And After breaking down in front of Connor again that night, Evan still wasn't sure how to act around him anymore. He had tried to play it off that he still had no suspicious of Connor wanting to be anything more than just his friend, but keeping up lies was never easy. 

 

Evan managed to get Connor to stuck around him and Jared long enough for Jared to apologize to Connor. After that they weren't at each other's throats much. Which made it easier on Evan because he didn't have to choose who to talk to at any given moment. The three of them had even started having lunch together.

 

Evan sat in the grass with his back against the brick wall of the school, beside Jared who was muttering at some game he was playing on his phone. Connor layed in the grass in front of them, Evan had a sneaking suspicion that Connor was high, judging by the way he was just staring vacantly at the sky above him.

 

"Games are fucking stupid." Jared muttered, tossing his phone in front of him. It accidently hit Connor's shoulder.

 

"What was that for?" Connor said, not as angry as normal, more like he was joking.

 

"I fucked up my game. I blame you and Evan. The tension between you two ruined my focus."

 

"W-What tension?" Evan asked nervously, not really wanting to delve into why there would be tension between himself and Connor.

 

"Sexual tension. Clearly." Jared joked, raising his eyebrows. "There's gotta be something going on between you. You're both acting strange." 

 

' _Jared stop. You know exactly what's going on and you aren't helping.'_ Evan's thoughts were interupted by Connor, who had sat up quickly. Connor picked his messenger bag up off the ground and threw it over his shoulder. ' _Is Connor... Is he blushing?'_

 

"Connor?" Evan said quietly, "Where are you-" 

 

"Fuck you, Klienman." Connor muttered before standing up and marching off back into the school.

 

"What'd I do?" Jared asked, offended. 

 

"You know exactly what you did Jared! He does know that I think he... That I think he likes me. At least not like that anyways. So you c-can't make jokes like that... Please." 

 

Jared nodded. "Sorry... I won't do it again. I just thought yknow... That you wouldve talked to him by now. It's been days Evan. When are you going to tell him what you know?"

 

"S-soon. Maybe... I don't know. I don't want to hurt him. And I'm not even sure if I feel the same way or... Or if I still like Zoe." 

 

"If you're still hung up on Zoe, my advice is don't tell him. I don't think he'd appreciate hearing that from anyone, let alone you."

 

' _For the first time in a while, Jared was right.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,,,,, So I realized o hadn't cleared up the Heidi knows Connor thing so I sorted that out. Also more dad friend Klienman coming your way bc we all need some dad friend Jared tbh.
> 
>  
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ Musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com  
> ^ Art blog 
> 
> New Chapters Every week!


	9. Connor Stormed Into The School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dammit." Her smiled faded, "Did he say where he was going?" 
> 
>  
> 
> "Uhm.. Well no. He just told me to leave him alone." Evan's nervous smile faded into a frown as he looked at his shoes.
> 
>  
> 
> "Shit." She muttered, "Thanks for your help, I guess." Zoe leaned forward, pulling Evan into a hug. Evan's blush worsened. Zoe smiled at him, pulling out of the hug. She kissed his cheek quickly before running off the same direction Connor had just taken off in.

Connor stormed into the school. ' _Fuck Jared. Who the fuck does he think he is? No one fucking talks to me like that. Maybe he was joking, I mean, Alana didn't tell him what I told her. Did she?'_ Intrusive thoughts grew louder in his mind as he stomped through the hallways. ' _What if Evan thinks I'm fucking queer? What if he hates me. I shouldn't feel like this. He's just a friend. Friends don't draw their friends and doodle hearts beside their name. That's not fucking normal. Why can't I be fucking normal.'_

 

 

Connor stopped when he passed Evan's locker. Still pissed, he clenched his fist. It wasn't long before a loud bang echoed through the almost empty hall way and Connor recoiled in pain. He held his fist in his other hand. He did it again. Wincing as his knuckles hit the cold metal. He withdrew his hand, ' _Damn that hurt._ ' He would've shouted some choice words but his angered thoughts were interupts by a shy, scared voice.

 

 

"C-connor?" Evan spoke as if Connor were some animal he could easily frighten if he moved to quickly. Connor turned his head sharply. His hair fell over his eyes, making him look even more threatening. 

 

 

"What." He said dryly. 

 

 

"You... Your hand is bleeding." Evan nervously pointed at Connor's bloodied knuckles. Connor examined his hand. It wasn't until he really looked at his hand that the pain started to set in.

 

 

"Are y-you okay?" Evan took a step closer to Connor, who moved away from him. _'Now is not the time for feelings, Connor. You need to distance yourself.'_ Connor studied Evan's expression. 

 

"I'm fucking fine. Evan." Connor replied. "Leave me the fuck alone." He said before turning down the hall and marching away. 

 

Evan stood frozen, he didn't know if he should follow Connor or leave him be. He tried to follow but he couldn't bring his legs to move or his arms to reach out. He wanted to call for Connor, but he couldn't find his voice.

 

Jared walked up behind Evan, making a point of saying his name before putting a hand on his shoulder, to keep from startling him. 

 

"Just give him space Evan, okay?" Jared wrapped an arm around Evan, pulling him to his side and holding him there in an attempt to comfort him. "He'll come around. I think he's just scared, Okay?" Jared rubbed Evan's shoulder. 

 

"I don't want him to hate-" Evan was cut off by Zoe running up to him and Jared. She stopped, smiling.

 

"Hey Evan," She smiled. Evan felt his face redden. 

 

"H-Hi Zoe. W-what's wrong? Are... Are you okay?" Evan said, wiggling his way out of Jared's grasp and smiling nervously.

 

"Yeah, I'm good. I just... Was that Connor? Who punched the locker?" She seemed worried.

 

"Yeah. I don't know what got into him. I just implied that he way gay and he stormed off." Jared mentioned passively. 

 

"Dammit." Her smiled faded, "Did he say where he was going?" 

 

"Uhm.. Well no. He just told me to leave him alone." Evan's nervous smile faded into a frown as he looked at his shoes.

 

"Shit." She muttered, "Thanks for your help, I guess." Zoe leaned forward, pulling Evan into a hug. Evan's blush worsened. Zoe smiled at him, pulling out of the hug. She kissed his cheek quickly before running off the same direction Connor had just taken off in.

 

Evan would have thought he was dreaming until Jared confirmed his hopes. "Ho-ly shit." Jared chuckled. "I think my mom has a lipstick that's the same shade of red as your face right now. Which is really fucking red, by the way." Evan hid his face in his hands.

 

"What am I doing Jared?"

 

"Probably thanking the good lord that Connor didn't see that. He would have killed you for blushing so much." 

 

"I'm Jewish, Jared." Evan pointed out. "I don't 'thank the lord'," He joked quietly.

 

"Fine. You're probably thanking... Like moses or some shit." Evan chuckled slightly. "But seriously, Evan. You need to figure out where your heart is at."

 

"I think I still like Zoe?" Evan was hoping Jared couldn't sense how unsure he was about what he was saying. Of course, Evan wasn't the best at lying, definitely not to Jared.

 

"Sure. I totally believe you." Jared said sarcastically. "You need to make up your mind Evan." 

 

"Don't make me do this now, Jared." Evan's voice quieted. "Don't try and make me choose like I can't be confused." 

 

"Are you confused?" Jared loomed over Evan.

 

"I think so."

 

 

 

 

Alana hadn't expected to see Connor,  let alone see him so angry.

 

"Hi Connor. Did you hear that someone punched a locker down the hall. I could never punch a locker. I'm too weak, I'd probably break my-" She stopped rambling when Connor grabbed her wris and pulled her around the corner.

 

"Did you tell Jared?" His voice was quiet and emotionless.

 

"Tell Jared what?" She whispered nervously.

 

"That I'm fucking gay. Why, what othe secrets have you told him?" Connor's voice got angrier.

 

"I didn't tell him you were gay, per se..." She looked away from him. Alana knew that breaking Connor's trust had been a bad idea.

 

"What did you fucking tell him, then?" Connor grabbed Alana's shoulder, pushing her against the wall, his fist bunching up the fabric or her cardigan.

 

"He asked... I didn't know what to say..."

 

"What did you fucking tell him, Alana." He sounded more forceful then before.

 

"Okay, So I told him but I only told him because he asked and I don't like lying to people."

 

Connor let down his angry facade and backed away from Alana, letting go of her shoulder. "I trusted you." his voice was barely a whisper. Alana went to apologize but was interupts by Connor. "I took a fucking chance and trusted you." He looked up at her. It looked like teas were beginning to form in his eyes. 

 

"Connor I-"

 

"Don't fucking apologize." He said, walking away from Alana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember this fic isn't Evan x Zoe thank you
> 
>  
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ Musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com  
> ^ Art blog 
> 
> New Chapters Every week!


	10. Evan Layed On His Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know I don't have space for games on my phone and I know you have at least Temple run on yours." Jared said, gesturing for Evan to put the phone in his hand. Evan reluctantly complied, sighing. "Do you miss him?" Evan looked at Jared who was still looking at the phone, tapping on the screen.
> 
>  
> 
> "Well... Yeah. He's my friend. I don't really have many other friends, Jared."
> 
>  
> 
> "Yeah if you did, you wouldn't bother me so much." Jared joked and Evan sighed again.

Evan layed on his bed. Jared was sitting in the chair at Evan's desk, spinning back and forth.

 

"It's only been a week Evan." Jared fiddled with a rubik's cube.

 

"But Jared... It's been a _week_. I'm worried about him." Evan covered his face with his hands.

 

"Then talk to him, Evan." Jared sighed, putting the rubik's cube down on Evan's desk. "Gimme your phone."

 

"I can't talk to him... I might slip up and say something about Zoe and I don't want him to freak out... Im still not sure how I feel about either of them." Evan dug his phone out of his pocket as he was talking. He turned it on, staring at the blank lockscreen. ' _No new messages...'_ He turned the phone off and held it put to Jared. Jared went to grab it but Evan pulled his hand back to his chest. "Why do you want my phone?" 

 

"You know I don't have space for games on my phone and I know you have at least Temple run on yours." Jared said, gesturing for Evan to put the phone in his hand. Evan reluctantly complied, sighing. "Do you miss him?" Evan looked at Jared who was still looking at the phone, tapping on the screen.

 

"Well... Yeah. He's my friend. I don't really have many other friends, Jared."

 

"Yeah if you did, you wouldn't bother me so much." Jared joked and Evan sighed again. Jared was still tapping on the phone. "Hey mind if I use your phone to call this girl I met at summer camp? I don't want my parents to ask who I was calling."

 

"Yeah sure, Why not." Evan answered passively. He could hear the phone ringing on quietly on the other line while Jared had it held up to his ear.

 

Someone must have answered but Evan hadn't expected Jared's greeting. 

 

"Hey Connor." Jared said, "So uhm, you should like talk... to Evan. Instead of ignoring him.

 

 

 

 

Connor walked into the kitchen, not expecting to see his mom sitting at the table.

 

"Morning Connor." She smiled. He nodded at her in acknowledgement while walking over to the dish of keys beside the coffee maker where he would usually keep his Cigarettes. ' _Fuck, I threw them out didn't I... Fucking Evan.'_ Evan was so present in Connor's life that it had made Connor's attempt at ignoring him very hard. It had been at least a week and connor was sure that one of them would cave soon and text the other.

 

The stress of ignoring Evan and no dealing with Alana's consistent apologies had been killing Connor and all he wanted was a smoke but he had no pot and no cigarettes. 

 

He looked over at the coffee maker beside the dish. ' _It's not nicotine but why not.'_ He grabbed a mug from the cupboard above the coffee maker and put it on the counter.

 

Connor poured himself a cup of coffee and made some toast before sitting down at the table across from his mom.

 

"When did you start drinking coffee, Honey?" Cynthia asked when Connor sat down.

 

"After I quit smoking. So... Now? I guess." He took a quick sip of the hot, bitter coffee.

 

"You quit smoking?" He hadn't evan noticed Zoe enter the kitchen, let alone pour herself a glass of milk.

 

"Uh, yeah. Evan said it wasn't great for my health and I told him I'd stop so I did." He answered with a mouth full of toast.

 

Zoe scoffed in disbelief. "You bought a new pack of cigarettes like last week, Con." 

 

"I threw them out after I promised Evan." Connor replied sharply.

 

"Well I'm proud of you, honey." Cynthia said as Larry walked into the kitchen. Zoe noticed that when he did, Connor's shoulders hunched up and he looked more tense than he had before.

 

"What did Zoe do?" Larry asked.

 

"Actually, _Larry_ , Mom's proud of me." Connor stated. " I quit smoking." 

 

"Bullshit." Larry said, barely acknowledging Connor.

 

"Larry." Cynthia glared at him. "We should be proud of Connor." She looked back at her son, "How long has it been since you last had a smoke, Connor?"

 

"Probably like three days." Zoe joked.

 

"Actually it's been like ten or eleven days, _Zoe_." Connor pointed out.

 

"Wait, Really?" Zoe seemed more surprised than Larry and Cynthia. 

 

"Y'know I just wanted coffee, not a fucking interview." Connor added. Cynthia and Larry both looked like they were about to say something but they were cut off by Connor's phone ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket. ' _Evan?'_ He stood up, leaving the kitchen.

 

When he was on the living room and out of earshot he put the phone to his ear. "Evan? What's wrong you only ever call if your not in a good place-" Connor couldn't hear anything on the other end.

 

"Hey Connor." ' _Klienman.'_ "So uhm, You should talk... to Evan. Instead of ignoring him."

 

"Are you fucking kidding me? Did you steal Evan's fucking phone?" No one replied but connor could hear faint voices, Jared and Evan arguing. Jared was trying to convince evan to take the phone and talk to Connor and Evan was having none of it. Suddenly the arguing stopped.

 

"H-Hi connor." Evan's voice was quiet and shakey.

 

"Evan... Hey." ' _Shit. What do I even say? 'Hey Evan I missed you'? That sounds fucking desperate. Not to mention fucking gay.'_

 

"C-Connor... I... I'm sorry."

 

"For what? You didnt do anything."

 

"Then why are you ignoring me?"

 

"I... I wasn't ignoring you."

 

"You haven't spoken to me in days Connor..."

 

"I needed space." 

 

"You could've told me that."

 

"Then I wouldn't have my fucking space would I?"

 

"Why did you need space?"

 

"Because I just fucking do."

 

"Connor was it because of what jared said?"

 

"No it wasn't because of fucking Jared, Evan. I just wanted fucking space is that a fucking crime?"

 

"Well no... But you're one of my closest friends... One of my few friends." 

 

"Evan it's not because of you-" Connor was going to continue but Zoe walked into the living room.

 

"Is that Evan?" She smiled and it made Connor sick. He wanted so badly to tell her to back off. "Tell him to text me." If connor didn't feel sick before he did now.

 

"Is that Zoe?" Evan said. Connors mind went back to the letter and Evan's cruch on Zoe.

 

"Give me a second Evan." He said putting his phone face down on the arm rest of the couch. After, Connor turned to Zoe. "Can you fuck off?"

 

"Oh am I bothering you and your boyfriend?"

 

"He's not my fucking boyfriend." 

 

"Sure." She rolled her eyes.

 

"I'm not fucking gay Zoe. Can you stop insisting that I am?"

 

"Oh evan, I'll quit smoking for you Evan. Oh evan, Let me draw you Evan. Oh evan won't you kiss me-" She said mockingly. Connor slammed his hand against the wall, surprising Zoe. 

 

"Shut the fuck up." Cynthia and Larry walked into the room just as Connor spoke.

 

"What is going on in here?" Cynthia looked From Zoe to Connor.

 

"Nothing." Connor said, picking up his phone and walking to the front door. He quickly put on his boots and walked outside.

 

 

 

 

Evan had listened to Zoe and Connor's fight. He assumed that Connor had gotten away from the situation because he soon replied.

 

"Sorry... I don't know how much of that you heard but..."

 

"Connor can we talk? Alone? Face to face?"

"Y-Yeah... Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Piningggggggggggggg 
> 
>  
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ Musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com  
> ^ Art blog
> 
> New Chapters Every week!


	11. Evan's Hands Were Shaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was looking for alana and I found you out here... Are you okay?" Zoe stood closer to him, pulling his hands away from himself into her own. "You're shaking a lot." She commented quietly.
> 
>  
> 
> "Y-Yeah well I'm... Im meeting w-with connor and he's been ignoring me so I'm kinda... Anxious...? I guess?" He tried to avoid looking at Zoe or making eye contact.

Evan's hands were shaking. He had been waiting behind the school for fifteen minutes. Connor had agreed to meeting him but he still felt like a burden. ' _We need to talk...'_ Evan was running through what he wanted to say over and over again in his mind. He was sure he could feel his heart beating out of his chest.

 

"Evan?" The voice behind him startled him. He turned to find Zoe standing behind him.

 

"H-Hi Zoe." He looked to his feet. If Evan wasn't flustered before he definitely was now. "Hi... Uhm. What are you... What's up?" He managed to say.

 

"I was looking for alana and I found you out here... Are you okay?" Zoe stood closer to him, pulling his hands away from himself into her own. "You're shaking a lot." She commented quietly.

 

"Y-Yeah well I'm... Im meeting w-with connor and he's been ignoring me so I'm kinda... Anxious...? I guess?" He tried to avoid looking at Zoe or making eye contact.

 

"Oh so that's why he's been more mopey than usual." She joked. "Y'know... He quit smoking."

 

"He did?" Evan said, surprised.

 

"Yeah." She smiled at Evan, "I mean he said it was because of you."

 

"He did?" He could feel his heart race again and his face was most definitely growing redder.

 

"He really likes you Evan." Zoe looked up at him, her eyes finding his. "He'll never admit it but I know he'd do anything for you. He cares about you." 

 

"I don't think it's quite-" Evan looked down to his feet, flustered.

 

"Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. I know he's missed you. And he seriously likes you, Evan." 

 

"I mean I know he's gay but I don't think he could ever like me-" 

 

Zoe cut him off. "Wait so he is gay?"

 

"Uhm... Yes? But I think he'd kill me for telling you..."

 

"Well Alana told me but I wasn't sure." Zoe smiled. "If he really is, then I think he liked you a lot more than you expect. He couldn't get out of the kitchen fast enough when you called him a couple days ago."

 

Evan wanted to dig more into what Zoe had meant. But Zoe perked up, looking over Evan's shoulder and muttering something under her breath.

 

"Tell connor exactly how you feel." Zoe whispered, letting go of Evans hands. "It'll be worth it." She smiled before walking off into the school.

 

 

 

' _Is that Zoe?'_ Connor clenched his fists when he saw her with Evan. She was holding his hands and talking to him like she knew him for years. _'She doesn't even fucking know him. What the hell is she doing?'_ Zoe looked over Evan's shoulder right at Connor, who was now walking towards the two of them. He glared at her and gestured for her to leave.

 

She obliged and said a few last things to Evan before smiling and slipping away. ' _Good.'_ Connor sneered to himself.

 

"Hey Evan." Connor said, digging his hands into the pockets of his sweater. He had an idea of what he wanted to tell Evan but he wanted to hear what Evan had to say. "Why did you want to talk?" 

 

"I... Well I uhm..." Evan took a deep breath before quickly sitting down in the grass with his back to the wall. Connor followed suit, taking off his bag and sitting beside Evan. Connor leaned his head back against the brick and Evan let his eyes fall to his hands in his lap. Niether of them spoke for a few moments.

 

"I'm sorry." Evan choked out quietly. The words coming out as a whisper. "I didn't mean to hurt you Connor." Evan sounded like he was going to cry.

 

"You didnt." Connor said sharply. "I just needed some space. I didn't mean to freak out at you like some fucking psycho."

 

"Y-you're not... A psycho I mean... You're my friend." Evan's voice was still quiet. "I missed you."

 

"Sure you did." Connor scoffed, rolling his eyes.

 

"I did." Evan lifted his head, turning to look at Connor. "I was worried about you." 

 

"You sure you weren't to distracted by Zoe." Connor sighed. He pulled his head away from the bricks and then let it fall aginst them again.

 

"Zoe? Why would I be... Distracted by Zoe?" Evan tried not to seem too confused by Connor's statement.

 

" 'Oh tell Evan to text me' 'Is that Evan'," Connor said, mockingly. "Clearly something happened between you two because Zoe never cared when you called before." 

 

"She may have..." Evan's face reddened and he wondered if he should tell Connor. "She kissed my cheek. But that's it." 

 

"Oh I'm sure that made you so fucking happy." Connor grinned, but it looked very fake and like he was struggling to convince himself to even smile.

 

"Not... Not really. It was kinda weird. I didn't expect it..." Evan fiddled with the laces on his shoes.

 

"Evan I already know you have a crush on her so stop fucking pretending that her kissing your cheek didn't send you over the fucking moon." Connor brought his head down to look at Evan. 

 

"I don't."

 

"You don't what?" Connor's voice was almost as excited as it was questioning.

 

"Have a crush on Zoe." Evan hadn't been able to admit that to himself yet. "I don't like her like that anymore... I think I like someone else." 

 

Connor's face dropped to an expression Evan hadn't seen on him before. It was like he was curious but hurt too. "Good for you, I guess. I'm sure if you ever work up the nerve to talk to her, She'll like you too."

 

"He." Evan managed to say, without thinking.

 

"What?"

 

"He..." Evan sighed, flustered. "It's... It's a boy."

 

"Oh..." Connor perked up slightly. "That... that's cool, Ev." 

 

"Yeah... I don't think I really knew how I felt until today... But I think I like him."

 

"Congrats I guess... I'm sure he'll like you too..." Connor looked dissapointed almost. 

 

Evan wasn't sure if he thought throught what he was about to say or if he just said it on impulse. "Well..." Evan caught Connor's attention. "Do you?..." 

 

Connor's voice caught in his throat and he looked at Evan questioningly. "D-Do I what?" Connor stuttered out nervously.

 

Evan couldn't believe what he was about to say but he had dug himself this deep and figured he may as well keep digging. "Do... You like me?..."

 

Connor's eyes widened and he was nervously rubbed his hands against the fabric in the pockets of his sweater. He could feel himself blushing and he could feel Evan's eyes burning into his face. Connor looked up at Evan. He could see Evan blush and that made his face get warmer. ' _Shit. What do I do? What do I say? What do I tell him? Clearly he knows I'm... Y'know... He also knows I Could like him too and here he is. Right here, right beside me. Staring at me. Blushing. Oh god he's blushing. He's cute when he blushes. Okay but what do I do now? What do I say?'_

 

Connor's thought kept getting more panicked and more intrusive so he closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to focus them. They kept getting louder and louder and louder and they were beginning to drive him insane. Connor started to think they would never stop.

 

When the thoughts did, they stopped abruptly and Connor's eyes shot open. That was when he noticed Evan.

 

Evan who had been so nervous. So scared. Evan who was anxious anxious quiet.

 

Evan who had never been one to take a risk. Evan who was now kissing Connor, softly and nervously. Evan who had just made Connor's heart stop and race, both at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will admit. I definitely enjoyed writing this and I have 100% been in Connor's position before. Also hi, early update for you all because I really wanted to get this chapter out there. But be warned. This is just the beginning.
> 
>  
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ Musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com   
> ^ Art blog 
> 
> New Chapters Every week!


	12. Evan Had Just Realized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't be sorry." Connor breathed. Evan opened his eyes but he just stared at Connor's chest, watching it rise and fall as Connor caught his breath. "Don't ever be sorry." 
> 
>  
> 
> Evan noticed how Connor's hair had fallength around their faces. He reached up and pushed the long hair behind Connor's ears. "I thought you would've been upset with me for-"
> 
>  
> 
> "Kissing me?" Connor smiled. Evan marvelled at how beautiful the rare occurance was. "Who would be mad about that?" Evan felt himself blushing more.

Evan had just realized what he was doing and he pulled himself away. "Connor, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that... I just... I can't believe I just... I'm so sorry Connor..." He looked to find Connor was just staring at him, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

 

"C-Connor?" Evan said quietly, putting his hand over Connor's on the grass. Connor didn't respond, only entangled his hand with Evan's. Evan looked down at their hands before feeling Connor's othe hand lifting his chin. 

 

It wasn't long before their lips connected again. Evan kissed Connor and Connor kissed him back. Connor could feel his heart rising in his chest and beating faster than he thought it could. Evan could only feel the lips on his, not the grass underneath him or the cool breeze or even Connor's hand in his. He had focused only on the kiss. Like nothing else exsisted. 

 

Connor found himself moving closer to Evan, wanting to feel the kiss deeper. That's all he wanted, to be closer to Evan. He broke the kiss when he needed to breathe and rested his forehead aginst Evan's. Evan, who sat with his eyes closed, just breathing. Connor couldn't help but notice how Evan's freckles stood out against the blush of his cheeks. 

 

"Don't be sorry." Connor breathed. Evan opened his eyes but he just stared at Connor's chest, watching it rise and fall as Connor caught his breath. "Don't ever be sorry." 

 

Evan noticed how Connor's hair had fallength around their faces. He reached up and pushed the long hair behind Connor's ears. "I thought you would've been upset with me for-"

 

"Kissing me?" Connor smiled. Evan marvelled at how beautiful the rare occurance was. "Who would be mad about that?" Evan felt himself blushing more.

 

Evan leaned away from Connor, wanting to look him in the eyes. "You never answered my question..." 

 

"Really?" Connor chuckled. "Yes I like you too, Evan. I thought that was clear when I kissed you."

 

"Also I... I should tell you... That was... That was my first kiss." Evan looked more embarrassed then he felt.

 

"That was your? Oh. Well I'm honored Evan." Connor took Evan's hand in his,  leaning backed against the brick wall. "Was it good? Like... Did you enjoy it?" 

 

Evan followed Connor, leaning back against the wall. He only noticed how close Connor was to him when he noticed that their shoulders were touching. He thought about the kiss. He thought about how he couldn't focus on anything else but the kiss and the spark he felt in his chest. He thought about how his chest was tight. Then he thought about Connor. Connor who was so close to him and so in the moment. Connor who had never seemed so beautiful before. "I liked it." Evan said.

 

"Good... That's good." Connor smiled, "I liked it too." Connor turned, looking at Evan with comfortable fondness. Connor turned to look at Evan, admiring his soft features. When Evan caught Connor staring, he felt a blush rise back into his cheeks. Connor quickly placed a kiss to Evan's lips before relaxing back against the wall behind them. Evan couldn't help but think the kiss was too quick for his liking. 

 

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, just enjoying each other's company. 

 

"Well this looks gay." Jared said, interupting the comfortable atmosphere. Evan felt connor tense up. His response was just to hold Connor's hand tighter. 

 

"What do you want Jared?" Evan sounded more annoyed than he had meant to.

 

"Woah, Suddenly Evan has a backbone?" Jared joked. "What, did Connor kiss you?" Evan felt Connor tense up. 

 

"Actually," Connor spoke up. "Evan kissed me."

 

"No way." Jared said flatly. "I don't believe you." 

 

"Scouts Honour." Connor said, bringing his right hand up to rest over his heart. Evan chuckled to himself.

 

"Anyways, If you two are done being gayer than expected, Alana and Zoe asked if we, meaning us three, wanted to eat with them at lunch."

 

"Since when does Alana talk to Zoe?" Connor said.

 

"I dunno man but do you want to or no?" Jared looked at Evan expecting an answer.

 

"Uhm," Evan looked from Jared to Connor and back to Jared. "Sure?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so hey this chapter is late but I can feel everyone's anticipation after last chapter. I'm glad you all like the fic so far!!! 
> 
> Also Connor is gay for Evan's freckles if you haven't noticed yet.
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ Musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com   
> ^ Art blog


	13. Connor Didn't Know What To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "God you don't know what to shut your god damn mouth, do you?" Connor was evidently getting more and more angry.
> 
>  
> 
> "You swore with scouts honour, Con. Can't deny it if you swore on scouts honour." Jared said.
> 
>  
> 
> "Shut the fuck up!" Connor yelled, slamming his hands down on the table. Zoe flinched evidently and Alana reacted by wrapping an arm around Zoe's shoulder. Evan put a hand on Connor's, trying to calm him down. Connor pulled away from the touch. "Don't fucking touch me!" Connor yelled again before picking his messager bag up and leaving.

Connor didn't know what to do. He wasn't outwardly social. Hell, niether was anyone else at the almost over crowded table. Jared sat next to Alana, Alana was beside Zoe, who was beside Evan, and Connor was stuck between Jared and Evan. There was little to no elbow room at the round cafeteria table but they all fit well enough to eat comfortably.

 

Evan noticed that Connor didn't have a lunch and shot him a concerned look. The look he got back was one that suggested Evan shouldnt pry into the subject. So he didn't. He just listened as Alana droned on about her and Connor's Chemistry Class. 

 

"I always impress the teacher. He says I need to study less and go outside more. So I started studying outside." Alana smiled. Jared looked like he was half listening, but Zoe looked like she had never heard anything more interesting.

 

"Do you have any classes with Connor, Evan?" Alana asked, smiling. Suddenly, Evan could only focus on everyone looking at him, waiting for him to say something. He feels his mouth go dry and he looses any words he was going to say. They're replaced but stuttered noises almost sounding like syllables but not making sense.

 

Connor notices Evan tense up. 

 

"We have Study Hall together. We usually hang out behind the school and talk." Connor said, grabbing one of Evan's fidgetting hands out of his lap and holding it in his own. He made sure to keep his movement subtle, not wanting Zoe to figure that he's holding Evan's hand. "Right, Ev?" Connor turned to Evan.

 

Evan looked at him before nodding silently. Evan appreciated Connor's comforting hand holding his, even though he was sure his palms were sweaty. Even more than they would've been normally seeing as Evan didn't know where he and Connor stood after the kiss. 

 

"We usually j-just talk." Evan confirmed.

 

"About what?" Zoe said, leaning over the table slightly and balancing her chin on her arm.

 

"None of your buisness, Zoe." Connor said, anger evident in his voice. The tension between the siblings had been evident through out the entire lunch. It was almost suffocating.

 

"Probably gay stuff," Jared commented, off-handedly. Connor turned and glared at him.

 

"I'm not gay, Jared." Connor said, pulling his hand away from Evan's. Evan was saddened by the loss of touch between the two.

 

"Oh, so Evan kissed you and it meant nothing?" Jared said, sharply, in typical Jared Klienman fashion.

 

"Evan kissed you?" Zoe added, excitedly.

 

"God you don't know what to shut your god damn mouth, do you?" Connor was evidently getting more and more angry.

 

"You swore with scouts honour, Con. Can't deny it if you swore on scouts honour." Jared said.

 

"Shut the fuck up!" Connor yelled, slamming his hands down on the table. Zoe flinched evidently and Alana reacted by wrapping an arm around Zoe's shoulder, pulling Zoe closer to her. Evan put a hand on Connor's, trying to calm him down. Connor pulled away from the touch. "Don't fucking touch me!" Connor yelled again before picking his messager bag up and leaving.

 

 

 

 

Zoe got home from band practice and she could hear faint music from Connor's room. She was surprised to find his bedroom door was back on its hinges. When she looked closer she was more shocked to notice that it wasn't closed.

 

Connor was laying, stretched out on his bed, focused all too intently on the sketchbook he had proped against one of his legs. The curtains weren't blocking out all natural light like usual, but they were pulled open completely, soaking the room in a warm yellow haze. Zoe noted that Connor had cleaned. The wasn't piles of discarded clothes littering the floor or scrap pieces of paper strewn across the desk. It looked like Connor was trying to distract himself from something and ended up cleaning his whole room top to bottom, even the books on his cluttered bookself looked like they had been organized.

 

Daringly, she knocked on the door frame. 

 

"Hey, Connor?" Connor looked up from his sketchbook. Zoe expected him to look more upset but he didn't. "C-can we talk?" Her voice was quiet and nervous.

 

"Yeah, I guess." He sat up, leaning against his pillows and making room for Zoe to sit with him. He turned off the quiet music from his phone. She looked like she was walking on eggshells as she moved through his room.

 

Zoe sat down on the bed and breathed deep, trying to find her words.

 

"When I hang out with Alana, sometimes, like when she laughs or when she smiles really wide, like so wide her nose scrunches up and her cheeks get all red," Zoe looked at her hands which were folded in her lap. "I get like butterflies in my stomach and my heart will like stop or it'll flutter and I just don't know why I feel like that." She looked up and connor who was listening to her ramble with a raised eyebrow.

 

"Do you... Like Her?" Connor asked awkwardly.

 

"I think so." Zoe smiled. "But I dunno. I don't even know if she like... y'know... Likes girls."

 

"She's a lesbian though."

 

"She is?" Zoe perked up and Connor chuckled at her excitement.

 

"Yeah." Connor picked at the chipped black nail polish on his fingers. "She told me in Chem class. She was trying to find out if I was gay or whatever." 

 

"Are you?"

 

"Am I what?" Connor asked even though he knew what she was asking.

 

"Are you Gay?" 

 

"I kissed Evan." Connor said quietly, looking down at the sad state of his finger nails.

 

"How about," Zoe stopped, causing connor to look up from his hands. " How about I paint your nails and you tell me about Evan okay?"

 

Connor smirked,  feeling a weight fall off his shoulders. "Sure." Zoe stood up and started towards the door. " And you can tell me all about your pathetic crush on Alana."  Zoe smiled and nodded.

 

 

 

"Wait so he kissed you?" Zoe said, carefully painting Connor's pinkie nail with black polish. Connor nodded.  "And you kissed him?" He nodded again. "Yet you don't know if you're a thing?" Another nod. "What the fuck?" 

 

"I know." Connor sighed. "I was about to ask Evan went Klienman showed up and mentioned the lunch idea. I think he has a sensor or something that allows him to sabotage things."

 

"I think Jared's harmless." Zoe added, her focus still on Connor's nails. She indicated that connor turn his hand so she could get at his thumbs easier, and he obliged. "I mean, he does _musical theatre,_ Connor. Is he really a threat?"

 

Connor chuckled. "I mean he's known evan longer than I have... But I mean Evan's seen me at my worst I guess." 

 

"What worst?" Zoe looked up, curious. 

 

"N-Nothing concerning I guess..." Connor said nervously. Zoe went back to focusing on Connor's nails. "I mean... _technically_ he saved my life I guess." 

 

"Saved your life?" Zoe sounded concerned. "Do you mean... Your arm?" Her voice went sad and quiet quickly and Connor nodded. "Your probably mad at me for it, but I'm glad I picked your lock and let Evan into your room."

 

"Yeah." Connor sighed. "Me too, Zo'. Me too." He admired his nails as Zoe moved on to his other hand. "So tell me about Alana." Connor tried to bring the mood back up. 

 

 

 

 

Cynthia was confused to find Zoe wasn't at the table or in the living room when she got home. It wasn't often that Zoe would hide out in her room. And when she did, it usually meant Zoe had a rough day.

 

Cynthia went upstairs and peered into Zoe's room, surprised that to find that Zoe wasn't in her there. Then she heard snickering from the bedroom down the hall from Zoe's. 

 

Cynthia walked closer to Connor's room and she could've sworn she heard Connor and Zoe laughing together.

 

"I'm not using knock-knock jokes to flirt, Connor." Zoe laughed.

 

"Okay, What about a 'why'd the chicken cross the road' joke?" Connor chuckled alongside Zoe.

 

Cynthia watched from the door way, happily. It wasn't often but when Connor and Zoe got along, Cynthia couldn't be happier. She hated to interupts but Dinner was getting cold and Larry was getting inpatient. She knicked gently on the door frame.

 

"Hey," she smiled. "Dinner's ready."

 

Zoe and Connor both got up off the bed quickly. Zoe turned and smirked at Connor, "Race ya!" Before smirkedhoving connor back onto the bed and running off past cynthia down the hall.

 

"That's cheating!" Connor called after her as he got up and followed her down the hall.

 

Moments like this reminded Cynthia of when the two were smaller and would always play together. When they would play fight and be friendly. Almost like nothing changed. And she smiled fondly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a long and warm and sweet chapter in which Evan and Connor don't discuss ANYTHING because I was in dire need of healing murphy siblings content. Also so yall know here's the kids sexualities in this fic
> 
> Connor: Gay
> 
> Evan: Bisexual
> 
> Jared: Asexual (Biromantic)
> 
> Zoe: Pansexual
> 
> Alana: Lesbian
> 
> Also thank you for all your kind comments and kudos. I'm sorry if I don't reply to everyone but there are people who comment on every chapter because I promise I've started recognizing usernames and I'm so happy that you all enjoy the fic enough to comment repeatedly!!!
> 
> Anatoleisaslut.tumblr.com  
> ^ Musical blog 
> 
> Pr-inced.tumblr.com  
> ^ Art blog 
> 
> New Chapters Every week!


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